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Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Most men don't care for....

The following is a list of things I believe most guys don't care to do. This is an offering to womankind that may help with narrowing the gap between the sexes. Most men don't like: 1. Shaving--Maybe because we have an innate desire to appear a little more beastly. We do it out of necessity or so our faces don't itch. 2. A man giving them a massage--Let this go unexplained (But my image could be distasteful). 3. Making small talk at parties--Eat, drink, and be merry. Talk when comfortable with close companions. Make new friends who show interest. 4. Fast Dancing--Personally, I don't know why this is, but I used to be this way in high school. Now, I just fast dance and convince myself no man really is supposed to look good or sexy dancing. Besides, this is as close as some guys will get to babes. "Slow dance, Mam?" Answer, "No, thank you." 5. Extended periods of waiting to go somewhere--Fifteen minutes tops and we're on the road. 6. Tofu, granola bars, or health food--We're omnivores (mainly carnivores) so if it's health food, disguise it under some meat and potatoes. 7. Drinking sweet, umbrella dressed drinks--Beer or simple mixtures, Jack and Coke, because alcohol is not dessert, it's social lubrication. 8. Playing hard to get, stuck up diva--We just don't have that much patience and usually know we are going to be rejected, so just say "no" and we walk. 9. Having a woman telling us we can't drive--Cars + Guys = Love Affair. Easy equation so don't bruise our egos. 10. Women who act too tough--"Me, Tarzan. You, Jane." We want to protect the things we love. 11. Other guys who have to mouth off or constantly brag--Quiet toughness allowed-shows without intimidation. 12. Holding long grudges--Apologies accepted, move on, guys become better friends after a fight. 13. Lack of spontaneity--Surprise and unexpected behaviors can add to mystery and thrill. 14. Making all the decisions--Boring too quickly. 15. Overactive public displays of affection--A little phony? Charley Rich sings, "Behind Closed Doors." 16. Trendy restaurants and coffee houses--Large portions and down home atmosphere needed. McDonald's coffee will do- yeh, a lot of us are cheap. 17. Shopping with women--Men know what they want, get it, and get out. Women prefer to look at everything in every store. Just shoot us, O.K.? 18. Weepy love songs--Nothing wrong with a good love song but a steady diet of girls dejected and rejected makes pitiful company. Rock and Roll. 19. To have to pass "inspection"--We know you're going to find our faults, so don't think a snap judgment is necessarily a good judgment. Hey, we're nervous. 20. Assuming men only want one thing--We can be just as complex as women. Excuse many for the selfishness of some. Most of us have no idea of "how to pick you up." Lots of lonely men out there want to talk, hold hands, and dance. Feel free to add to or comment on the list. Disagreements and agreements are welcomed.
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