Sunday, April 5, 2009
Women Saying What They Mean?
I, like many other guys, believe that men are more straightforward with their words than are women when engaged in conversation with the opposite sex . This trait may have something to do with the cautious nature of the female. Or, indeed, most women may simply be more skilled in the art of conversation than men. In fact, according to a study in The Female Mind, by Dr. Luan Brizendine, women talk almost three times as much as men, with the average woman chalking up 20,000 words in a day - 13,000 more than the average man. Practice makes perfect. For us men, trying to figure out exactly what a woman means when she verbalizes something is often a mystery. To us, it can be a source of intrigue or it can be a source of frustration as we sort out various interpretations. Nevertheless, most men aren't very perceptive to underlying meanings and cloaked female intentions when conversations reach certain critical points. It's not necessarily that we wouldn't like to be more understanding, it's just that we men are wired differently. Dr. Brizendine says that men struggle to express their emotions to the same extent as women. "Women have an eight-lane superhighway for processing emotion, while men have a small country road," says Dr. Brizendine, a psychiatrist who runs a female "mood and hormone" clinic in San Francisco. Dr Brizendine explains that there are certain advantages to being the strong, silent type. She says testosterone also reduces the size of the section of the brain involved in hearing - allowing men to become "deaf" to the most logical of arguments put forward by their wives and girlfriends. Women actually perceive the world differently from men. Studies have shown that while a man will think about sex every 52 seconds, the subject tends to cross women's minds just once a day, the University of California psychiatrist says. Many thanks to Andrew Sickenger's editorial in the Western Courier (3/24/05) published by Western Illinois University. Here Andrew presents an entertaining view of what women really mean when they say something. You may find the entire article in the archives of the Western Courier. 1. "It's not you, it's me." This means, "it's you, but I don't care enough about you to tell you exactly what you did wrong or where the relationship got derailed. 2. "Fine": to women, means "not fine." This works in the same way as the response"nothing, which always means "something," after being asked what's wrong. 3. "I'm hungry" or "I'm thirsty." This is her backward way of saying she wants you to get her some food or something to drink. 4. "We need to talk" is a phrase that can be broken down into two parts. When a woman says "we need," that generally means "I want." However, the second part can mean any number of things. Possibly, she is not satisfied with the level of communication in the relationship, or maybe she has done something she feels bad about and needs to get it off her chest. Perhaps she has busted you doing something, and is about to unveil the evidence in a sneak attack. 5. Next, "Go ahead." Warning! This does not mean she is giving you permission to do whatever you were just talking about doing. This is actually more of a dare. It's her saying "Try it and see just how much sex you get for the next month!" 6. And lastly, "Let's just be friends" can have infinite variations of that same theme. Most men don't want girl-"friends." If men are hanging out with women, more often than not, men wouldn't mind pursuing something. (Sickenger, Western Courier) Again, thanks to Andrew for helping with a few interpretations. It's all in fun with hopes a major argument or minor disagreement may be avoided as lines of communication clear. Remember the famous words from a great old Paul Newman movie, Cool Hand Luke, "What we have here is a failure to communicate." Yes, Luke, I believe you were correct. The same may often be said in relation to heterosexual conversation.
Posted by Frank Thompson at 8:56 AM