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Sunday, May 24, 2009

A Letter For Olivia

Deer Olivia, Your thoughtful essay on grammar and usage. Reminds me that not all my cliches’are original. Enjoying your spirited discussion about conventions, you can see the predicament I’m in. I mean it would look badly for an old English teacher to nowingly split an infinitive if you was me. Don’t ya think not? And to use my words the way my dialect sounds wood shirley get me thru the line et Pondrosa Restrant. May be yer rite. Worryin’ bout little things like speling is dum as a rock to. I am real tired of every one gettin’ so criticle bout usage arrows, ain’t you. I mean when I drug myself out of bed this morning where I laid all nite, I sed, “I haven’t wrote fer this long just to put myself in this sweet pickle of the horns of a dilemma.” If less people wood have had less rules on grammar, fewer concern over writing mite germinize sum new ideals, you bet yer life. So, I think your absolutely kerrect. It looks like I was rong all right. Rules only count in hand grenades and horse shoes, anyways. I won’t wate on usin’ spel chek or none of them dickunarys no more. Whom needs a libary any how? Irregardless of how some kranky old English teachers thunk. Im free to spearmint with the langwhich! And, nother thing. Alot of us recieve criticizm fer not using no standard way of doin’ it.That jest truely makes me loose my cookys. Having seperate rules ain’t wierd when it comes to doin’ it at all. I bet at lest forty weighs exists or moar. People, there gonna have the same affect! Why not do it a ez weigh? My wife sez thats the weigh I been doin’ it fer years and years. And she oughtta no cause she always complains bout me doin’ it my same old boaring weigh. So, if you think yer more smarter then some one jest cause you right good English, you got some udder things comin’, you ole McDonalds. Don’t count your eggs before they hatch. Yes, you should be contrite in briefs and don’t rambel with words in order that you can get a yer point on a subject with which you are aiming for a bulls aye. So, each of the rules can be impotent in the rite sitting depending on for who you are writing for, on the other hand, bee awares of the situashun. Having stated that oblivious detale, punctuation can be usefull to you to. Sea, hear is one example. If I was to put a coma in the rong place the meaning, could be changed in the hole dang sentence. Chek it out— “Jim Bob, put the thang away.” verses “Jim, Bob put the thang away.” verses “Jim, Bob, put the thang away.” Means a few diffrent thangs to think about. In conclosure, to get use to using unstandard English, to get the more comfort within it, and writing it good should be the one thang we can get agree able two. Therefor for any one to tell we people how to communicate gooder is like a wolf in sheeps’ cloths. Their folks that don’t no Jack in wool suites. Except the new standards, make a conscience effort to rite the way you want to, and don’t illicit a teacher to precede with your new tricks. Throw yer Caucasians to the wind ant bea free. “To hex with yer rooles, unkadamien!” Don’t get flushterd, just go with the flow. No body will get cornfused. And, God sed, “Let they’re be light and furmamints wear neked Adam can raze some cane!” And, if Eve of Adam’s rib, would have left the apple in the serb ant’s hand, nobody wouldn’t had to worry bout no nowledge noways any how. Ain’t that the honest truth? Its a alternating unireversal out there in facebook land, Captan Kerk.
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