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Friday, June 19, 2009

Differences Between a Man and a Woman

In my continued attempts at narrowing the understanding of the gender gap, I am introducing some important differences between men and women. Some of these differences are based on research, and, quite frankly, some are based on shared personal experiences. Enter this strange realm of sexual generalizations at your own risk. And, please pause to "read between the lines" as you go along. I think much of the knowledge passed on here will create instant associations. And, maybe something will add a laugh to your day. Men appreciate the importance of a 42 inch plasma screen. Women do not. Women report more sadness and anxiety than men, but men who are upset report more craving for alcohol. Women crave chocolate; men crave meat. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. A man will question a woman filled with silicone by wondering, "Is this woman really who she seems to be?" While a woman filled with silicone believes the man desires her to have nose jobs, huge breast enhancements, and bee-stung pumped lips. A man will pay $2.00 for a $1.00 item he needs. A woman will pay $1.00 for a $2.00 item that she doesn't need because it's on sale. When entering a room, men look for exits, estimating a possible threat, and ways of escape, while women pay attention to the guests’ faces to find out who they are and how they feel. Women have the "Oh dear, the toilet paper is on its last sheet; must replace it immediately" gene. This is entirely absent in men who have the "Oh s..t! Can you pass me a toilet roll, honey?" gene. Women will sometimes admit making a mistake. The last man who admitted that he was wrong was General George Armstrong Custer. Men grasp a situation as a whole and think globally, while women think locally, relying on details and nuances. Men do not even bother to look for something, then ask where it is and hope that it was the woman who put it away. Men are more independent in their thoughts and actions, while women are more willing to follow the ideas suggested by others.

Men have no opinions about curtains. Women can muse about them for days.

Women’s self-appraisal is lower than that of men. Women tend to criticize themselves, while men are more satisfied with their own performance.

A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from a hotel.The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 481. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

Men are motivated by conquest. They tend to define themselves by their work and accomplishments. Women are motivated by nurture. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. Men tend to have a "fight or flight" response to stress situations while women seem to approach these situations with a "tend and befriend" strategy during times of stress to take care of themselves and their children (tending) and form strong group bonds (befriending). Women pick up on subtleties and then think about them. Men need things explained IN CAPITAL LETTERS before the message gets through. For men, they typically complain about a problem because they would like to come up with a solution as fast as possible. For women, complaining about a problem is more of a "reel or a way of voicing-out their feelings – because they want their problems to be acknowledged, thereby feeling better – they are generally not looking for the issue to be instantly solved. Women could never invent weapons that kill, only ones that make you feel really bad and guilty until you surrender. Men desire a urinal to pee in while, obviously, a woman is willing to put up with his bad trajectories. Women recall every outfit they have worn for the past two decades. Men cannot remember what they were wearing yesterday without looking on the floor next to the bed. Women look nice when they wear jewelry. A man can get away with wearing one ring and that’s it. Any more than that and he will look like a lounge singer. A woman wants one man to satisfy her every need, but a man wants every woman to satisfy his one need.
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