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Thursday, August 6, 2009

Style From a Man's Point of View

Style may be defined as "the state of being popular in fashionable elegance." Style, for women, involves conducting themselves in a distinctive manner of expression that evokes beauty and grace. Women have stylistic rules of fashion and fashionable behaviors that govern their very earthly existence: they eat, breathe, and sleep in style. Women sell their very souls to maintain a stylish lifestyle, spending enormous amounts of money to accentuate proper trends and designs. On the other hand, most men do not comprehend style in these terms. Men know style exists, and they dabble in trying certain stylistic options, but they usually are satisfied as being creatures of habit. With a laissez faire attitude, men often ignore style completely, occasionally count on their feminine friends to advise them of stylistic issues when in dire straits, or remotely consider a brush with style as "getting in touch with their feminine side." To men, style is evident in the design of a sports car or in the unique manner in which a superstar plays a sport. But, in matters of fashion, most men are amoebas. With that in mind, I have compiled some important masculine non-stylistic beliefs and demeanor. I think these will help make the male perspective more palatable to those women who insist that "men don't know jack" about such matters. 1. Men don't care about matching color and style of clothing. Why do colors have to match? Men are the bold, showy sex of the animal kingdom. Any color combination is acceptable "man fashion," no matter how motley the appearance. Shirts, jeans, socks, underwear -- the important feature to a man is comfort. So what if the color combination is shockingly kaleidoscopic, and the cut of the clothes is sloppy and incorrectly tailored? That is the fashion statement of the male: His gaudy, often vivid, display is inherent in male sexuality. The truth be known, women love to dress men in color-coordinated, trendy outfits much like they used to dress Ken, Barbie's heartthrob. Men supply this feminine need. 2. Men like to wear shoes that are so "broken in" that they are merely extensions of their feet. With shoes, not only comfort, but that "lived in" look is very important to men. Shoes get better with age, and as they scar and scratch, they reveal their mature character. Men will wear one pair of favorite shoes, any color or style, with any form of clothes until the footwear literally falls apart. It's too bad the cobbler is nonexistent because men would resole, retread, and reheel their best shoes for an entire lifetime. And, men understand that tennis shoes go well with any formal dress. Loafers, of course, match everything also while eliminating the troublesome problem of becoming untied. 3. Men can never find a fashionable hairstyle that looks right, so any hair style is proper fashion for a man. Hair is a beautiful adornment to a woman. To a man, hair is like plant growth on a chia pet -- unpredictable and crass. It is pigmented filament covering the scalp that grows in every possible direction. No matter how a man shampoos it, conditions it, sprays it, mousses it, curls it, greases it, colors it, or combs it, hair is just wild stuff on the top of his head. Men have no more idea of what hair style looks good on them than their vanity allows. A man looks like either an outdated youth or a costumed fool with a new hair style. So, the logical answer for a man is not to worry about the style of the cut and merely let others adjust to the desired outcome. That is also the reason men love baseball caps. Caps cover the obvious mismatch of hairy proportions. 4. Men can't tell an expensive fragrance from a cheap imitation or Old Spice. It's a proven Funk and Wagnalls' fact that women are more sensitive to environmental odors. When a man smells, it's for food, sex, or survival. Men inherently smell in animalistic fashion. Women, though, are conditioned to believe scent brings a greater well-being and pleasure to their lives. Witness the popularity of aroma therapy and aromatherapeutic devices in respect to women. To a man, if it smells, it smells. Men's noses can't distinguish subtle differences in aromas and identify certain expensive scents. If it's BBQ, it smells delicious to a man, no matter if it's steak, ribs, chicken, or horse. Body fragrances work the same way for men. If it smells strong and spicy- men will put it on their bodies. 5. Men see their jewelry as slick color, gold or silver, and the bigger, the better. Men cannot tell imitation jewelry from the real goods. They look at the sheen of the color and basically buy by gaudiness. If men can get a good deal on jewelry that is big and shiny, they buy. Matching gold and silver is not a problem for men. In fact, since both elements give a rich appearance, they usually wear gold and silver imitations together to make the observer think they have plenty of both. The same applies to diamonds. To men, diamonds are basically hard rocks that hold no magical sentimentality. Big cubic zirconia, Elvis style, is the answer. And, to men, Foster Grant makes the coveted cheap sunglasses that give the cool look. 6. Men see no need to change clothing fashion with trend, season, or age. Cars- yes, clothes- no. Once a man gets into his comfortable look, he holds onto a good thing. Men wear short sleeve shirts and light jackets in the winter. New colors of the season are foreign to the male mind except maybe when choosing camouflage in hunting season. Geezers believe they look good in cut-off jean shorts and T-shirts. And, they prefer to buy new clothes and wear them over and over to get the "worn look," not buy clothes that look already used. Prints on shirts are just variety, not fashion, to men, so any print-- lines, polka-dots, slogans-- break a little monotony. Finally, white socks are classic. What could be more beautifully basic and timeless than white socks? Men wear them with jeans, pants, suits-- very all-purpose and practical.
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