It's almost Halloween, so I thought a holiday theme might be prime for exploration. John DeVore ("The Frisky," CNN, October 27 2009) explains why women like the vampire genre in books and television series such as True Blood. According to DeVore, a vampire is a monster who looks, acts and talks like a passionate, romantic, and tortured man. This character is synonymous to "playing with fire" for a woman, the very prototype of the bad boy.
DeVore says, "Women love bad boys - they're exciting, and the chance to change him, to break him like a horse, must be an irresistible challenge. If self-destruction weren't seductive on some superficial level, then no one would ever need rehab."
Of course, this whole concept of women falling for bad boys (or vampires, for that matter) is completely illogical to countless millions of men who are great catches or who take the traditional courtship approach to dating. "They don't understand how women keep falling for these guys." (Rion Williams, www.articlealley.com, January 3 2007)
To a man, society basically promotes the traditional edification of the woman; chasing her, putting her before himself and essentially on a pedestal. She's the prize to catch, but all of this gives her the power and favor in the relationship, which isn't exactly natural. Nonetheless, such is the social conditioning presented to a gentleman. He is taught this behavior and expected to conform with this "lady-first" behavior when dating.
The paradox of actions and reactions is rooted in flawed social dynamics. Williams contends that everything around a woman logically tells her one thing; to GO for the really 'nice guy' who brings her presents and has a lot to offer.This idea is supported in music and movies as a social ideal. But, often the woman finds her heart is not committed to these relationships. In other words, logic gives way to other basic considerations. Ideals break down.
Nice guys usually come on strong for a long-term relationship. Women, on the other hand, often want to get to know a guy instead of being pressured into a marriage-type relationship with him before knowing him. "So what is left for a woman's physical freedom? The (now-glorified) outcasts. The bad boys, jerks, a-holes, etc. who didn't care about mainstream social programming, therefore weren't affected by it like the mainstream men." (Rion Williams, www.articlealley.com, January 3 2007)
The bad boys and jerks are living in their own reality. They're not subject to the doctrine of mainstream society so they don't let that get in the way of just being natural, even if a great deal of their natural behavior is bad.They have strayed from the straight-and-narrow and have developed their own code of conduct and interesting behaviors.
Bad boys are confident and self assured. They know what they're about and don't really care what others think. (www.topdatingtips.com) Any faults they have are summarized by women as follows: "It's not his fault; he's trying to get his life together." And this is most often followed by the excuse for staying: "He needs me." (Toni Coleman, www.marriageandwealth.com)
Also, to women, bad boys are a challenge. Women may love a challenge even more than men. They think in this manner: "If something is a challenge, the end results must surely be worthwhile, right?" (www.topdatingtips.com) Bad boys often create an exciting roller coaster ride in relationships. Women hang on for the thrill and greater expectations.
A bad boy's confidence reflects like a shining armor to females; this bravado turns women on. The bad boys are more assured and hold a high self-esteem which makes them believe in their exploits. Appearance, in particular, matters. And here bad guys fit the bill inherently. On woman writes, "Their masculinity goes perfect with their confidence and indifferent attitude, which women find irresistible.Their ‘leave it or take it’ attitude appeals to us (women) all the more that’s why women often prefer bad boys." (men.relationships.blog-city.com)
The issue of overwhelming masculine appearance also influences sex according to a study by the University of Michigan’s School of Public Health in 2007 as it contributes to the belief that bad boys offer great sex in short-term relationships. (www.theproblemismen.com, October 7 2008 ) Note, in the long term, bad boys do not perform that well.
Women are attracted to a man by their own natural and biological character, not by social conditioning.
Good men can learn give women what they want; a real man, not the jellyfish-backboned manboy who caters to her every whim and desire. Williams contends that the shift hasn't happened yet on a mass scale, but when more men start stepping up, women will then be able to prefer these guys over the outcasts.
If good men can increase their confidence levels, get their careers on the right tracks, excel in what they do and be their "own man" within the confines of their working life, then good guys can get that bad boy confidence. And that attitude boosts their attractiveness to women.
Carole Lieberman, M.D. and clinical psychiatrist says,“The main reason women are attracted to bad boys is because of the relationship they had with their fathers, when they were little girls, that made them feel unlovable, not good enough to attract a prince. So they end up kissing a lot of frogs. Other issues play a part, but the main fundamental, underlying, most important issue is their relationship with their dads.” (Bad Boys: How We Love Them, How t Live with Them, When to Leave Them, 1997)