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Saturday, July 16, 2011

Sexy Survivors

"A woman's sexiness is not a precise formula, but is rather 
a complex concoction of charm, 
 charisma, confidence, conversation, composure, cleverness, 
and of course, attractiveness. 
 Sexiness is a woman's ability to continually inspire 
the sexual curiosity of a man, 
 through her appearance and attitude." 
 -Paola Fanutti 

Boob jobs, botox, washboard stomachs, tight butts, body art, piercings!! The trappings of sexiness pervade American culture. But, what really makes a woman sexually attractive? 

I, for one, am sick of the stick-it-in-your face, hardcore image of a sexy woman. The extremely unabashed, "bowl you over," T&A sexiness that aims primarily to ignite the base animal instincts of a man no longer works. It has become so commonplace to portray trashy sexuality that people have become immune to feeling any lasting and beautiful sensual connection with raw sex appeal. Women who portray themselves as "hot meat" degrade any mystique of being a truly sexy lady.

I believe a woman is sexy in many complicated, suggestive, and intriguing ways. A sexy woman knows that revealing all and "putting it all upfront" sexually makes little sense. She is a skilled master of her charms. What makes a woman sexy is as unique to every woman as her fingerprint. The sexy woman knows how to bring this "fingerprint" to best light.

Paola Fanutti presents a view of what she believes a sexy woman needs to do to gravitate a man's sexual thoughts continuously and spontaneously in her direction, even when she is absent. It is an interesting look into what she calls "sexy" -- "the mystique that mirrors and matches a man's masculinity." ("What Makes a Woman Sexy?" Helium, July 31 2008)

A Sexy Woman IS NOT

* A sexy woman is not always erotic because turning a man on does not necessarily stimulate his sexual curiosity.

* A sexy woman is not necessarily exceptionally beautiful, hot "eye candy" or a "perfect ten" but she uses her composure and cleverness to enhance her sex appeal tenfold.

* A sexy woman is not a product of an aesthetic or cosmetic routine: she is comfortable in her skin and that is precisely why she is so confident.

A Sexy Woman IS

* A sexy woman is intellectually a step ahead of her man in the imagination and creativity of the rapport, or at the very least, at his level. She cleverly fathoms ideas, constantly surprises, and entertains

* A sexy woman is a talented, sensual siren who hones her gifts and presents them to the man through the five senses: sight, sound, taste, touch and smell.

* A sexy woman is a shape-shifter. A sexy woman is not afraid to be a woman and exhibit traditional roles with her man, and she is also not shy about being strong and dominant when necessary.

* A sexy woman is honest and makes her own rules, communicates them, and lives by them. As versatile and accommodating as she is, she is not a doormat to be stomped upon.  

* A sexy woman is playfully spontaneous, yet satisfying. She is open-minded. She makes and responds to new suggestions, always initiating a carefree, gentle tease. She is nevertheless completely attainable, and always delivers what she promises.

* A sexy woman is respectable. She is intelligent and elegant, tasteful and graceful. She is neither angelic or innocent, nor is she sleazy or superficial.  

The Sexy Charm

The sexy woman does not need to scream, "Look at me!" She confidently exhibits her sensuality through intelligent, subtle, tasteful behaviors. She is a weaver of imagination and desire. A sexy woman understands that being "timeless in the face of other female novelties" enhances her personal beauty and secures her position as someone who is in complete control of her own sexual desires.

Want some research concerning the sexy image? Princeton psychologist Susan Fiske presented her findings at a meeting of the American Association for the Advancement of Science in Chicago on February 15, 2008.

Fiske and her fellow researchers used brain scans to show that when straight men looked at pictures of women in bikinis, areas of the brain that normally light up in anticipation of using tools, like spanners and screwdrivers, were activated.

"Scans of some of the men found that a part of the brain associated with empathy for other peoples' emotions and wishes shut down after looking at the pictures.... The changes in brain activity suggest sexy images can shift the way men perceive women, turning them from people to interact with, to objects to act upon." (Linda Lowen, "Women As Sex Objects - Influenced By Sexy Images, Men See Women As Objects,", November 16 2010)

Maybe if a woman wants to be perceived by a man as a sex object, a tool of the trade, she should continue to exhibit hardcore sexual behaviors towards him. Instead, I think a genuinely sexy woman should prefer to perform her magic with finesse and delicacy. That sensual charmer, while being her own natural woman, endures in the mind of a man and continues to rock him to his core.

Read Paola Fanutti's article, "What Makes a Woman Sexy?"

Natalie Wood

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