'Twas the Night Before the Christmas of the Fall
T'was the night before Christmas. when all through the House
Not a creature was stirring, not even one louse.
The nation was hanging all their hopes on a hunch
That elephants and donkeys could agree just for once.
But, Congress went home to nestle snug in their beds
While pockets full of perks danced through their lax heads.
John Boehner was restless, thinking “What else could I do?”
Thought Grandma Pelosi, “Glad it's not me -- it's you.”
When out of the White House there came such a clatter
All arose from their dreams to see "what's a matter."
And over the airwaves the President did urge,
"Take these few days to think, drink eggnog and purge."
The nation hung tight onto the foul Fiscal Cliff,
As Reps held big galas and bought rich Christmas gifts.
When, what to all those skeptical eyes should appear
But Elf on the Shelf, Magical Scout of the Year.
The elf balanced the budget, cut taxes of the poor,
Making the millionaires scream and CEOs sore.
Then, he gave each sweet child all their wishes and toys
And reminded them all to be good girls and boys.
He used strong magic to call Congress in session,
Told them to take back all gifts to learn a main lesson.
“You're working through holidays and weekends next year.
It's so bad when you can't get along with your peers.”
The elf pointed his finger at all on the Hill,
And said, “Get busy and pass good, sensible bills.
And stop whining around like such little spoiled kids
It makes Santa so angry; he's flipping his lid.”
“You followed instructions on just one thing I see
You did not pick me up and start bothering me.
Lawmakers find any promise so hard to hold
Since you're lazy, shiftless and don't do what you're told.”
The elf warned all the Washington crowd not to lie.
Then said, “Remember one more thing before I fly.
You forgot to name me so my magic will work.
I call myself Non Partisan for you big jerks.”
Frank R. Thompson
December 22, 2012