So ... suppose you are a married mother of three who has spent years feeling insecure with your body and avoiding sex by using excuses like "I have cramps," and "I have too many deadlines." You have what you consider to be a "gorgeous and very, very sexy" husband, who, being honest, told you he hasn't seen you "totally naked for years." And, in fact, you are so insecure, you feel "like a horrible asshole when he asks you why his saying "how pretty you are" isn't enough.
You finally arrive at a time, three years after your last child, when you become desperate to change the reality about not feeling sexy in your bare skin, Therefore, fed up with how you perceive yourself and the effect it is having on your marriage, you come up with the plan to have sex every day for a year – with an exception for medical problems.
The Sex-a-Day Challenge
This is a true confession by Brittany Gibbons, a 32-year old woman from Toledo, Ohio, who decided to set herself a challenge "between the sheets." The size 16 woman, who confesses she had been "horrible at intimacy," resolved to have sex every day for one year in order to curb her lack of self-confidence – which she says was ruining her love life.
Brittany explained, "For me, a year of sex became less about getting my sex on, and more about getting my brain to stop being an asshole when I took all my clothes off." She admitted her "sex every day for a year" challenge started off "pretty rough," but claimed after a while it stopped being a chore, and eventually became "the moment of the day where I was most at peace."
Gibbons reached a point where she embraced her curves and began to feel beautiful: "wearing pretty underwear and pretty things, even if it was under yoga pants and no one else was going to see it." She said she learned how use clothes to accentuate parts of her body that she loved, like her cleavage, waist and hips, which made her appreciate them more. "Eventually those feelings outweighed the moments of insecurity," she contended.
Didn't Gibbons feel that having sex every day was more of a repetitive chore than a loving comfort?
Brittany says, "No, it was the feelings of anxiety and insecurity that felt like the chore." To her, having sex every day eventually felt like, “Oh great, time to feel uncomfortable again." In fact, in the times Brittany and her spouse weren't having sex due to work, travel, or sickness, she missed the connection. After awhile, she claims she had a sexual revelation: "I really understood what intimacy meant, by the end, and sometimes, (I realized) it has nothing to do with the intercourse, and everything to do with what happens around it."
According to Brittany, trying to illustrate to her husband why she didn’t feel sexy, no matter how much he found her sexy himself, was her biggest hurdle. "I needed to explain to him that him seeing me that way is great, but unless I saw it too, it didn’t count," she said.
Gibbons claimed the moment when her life became "amazing" was a morning when she was able to let everything go and truly enjoy herself by being open and honest with her husband, not embarrassed or anxious about being naked. "It took a couple months to get there, but once I was there, it was worth it," she said. "And the key for me being able to enjoy it was feeling confident and gorgeous, and that was a 'me' journey, not a 'him' journey, though having a cheerleader on the sidelines was a plus," she explained.
Brittany also found it necessary to have the courage to talk to her husband about what she did and didn’t want during sex. This, of course, was another hurdle she was forced to overcome during her sex-a-day challenge. She confessed: "I’m not an inside climaxer, I’m an outside climaxer. I do like oral sex, but I don’t like having my nipples touched, because they are numb. I also hate having breath on my neck because I am extremely ticklish, and then I get goosebumps and my leg hair grows in too fast."
The couple recently completed their challenge, and while they claim they aren’t "hell-bent on doing it every day anymore," they "definitely make more of an effort."
(“I Had Sex Every Day For a Year,” ynaija.com, August 2013)
Brittany, the sex-a-day advocate.
To wrap it up, let's review the results of "sex-a-day" romance:
1. Mrs. Gibbons finally feels "OK" in her own skin.
2. Mrs. Gibbons is getting what she needs to be "turned on" with sexual contact.
3. Mr. Gibbons is finding a receptive target for his loving compliments.
3. Mr. Gibbons claims the favorite parts of Brittany's body are not his old concerns of "butt, hair, face, lips, and cleavage," but now he says, "I’d pick the curve of your waist between her boobs and her butt, the spot on her wrist where she dabs perfume, her hair when she takes it down in the morning, the really soft skin between her boobs, and all the freckles on her arms and shoulders."
4. Mr. and Mrs. Gibbons are a lot more open with each other.
5. Mr. and Mrs. Gibbons make more of an effort to have sex, but they can rest their "sexual parts" without excess guilt or apprehension.
At 32 years of age, sufficient stamina and loads of testosterone may help lovers achieve a challenge of every day sex. But, although I understand Brittany Gibbons reasons for attempting the feat, I wonder if there is "more than one way to skin" the proverbial "cat." Sex in marriage is important, stimulating, and fulfilling; however, I can't help but wonder whether being comfortable with one's naked body relates so directly to vaginas and penises.
After all, Gibbons could have put all her efforts into dieting. With respect, I think that downsizing her dress size could have worked wonders for her ego. How much should a person's feelings of insecurity involve dependency upon a lover? I can't help but seeing this as a little too much dominance and strong "pussy control."
I understand the draw of accentuated sex appeal and the need to feel attractive. And, I believe that the mind is the largest sex organ in terms of giving and receiving sexual gratification. I think all lovers want to experience the pull of sensuality -- little desirable parts and pieces do "turn on" lovers. And, most likely, men want intercourse whenever they can get it. They become accustomed to reading a woman's sexual signals and moods in hopes of frequent encounters.
But what ... just what ... if building a foundation for a lusty libido doesn't make Mrs. Gibbons happy? What if, subconsciously, she really feels a need for money, family security, or any of the thousand other things floating in her brain to be tickled and reinforced?
And, what if frequent bonking just plain wears out Mr. Gibbons? His lovely connotations of sweet fruit become raw meat -- because of the repetition, any romantic encounter turns into just another day of dumping semen. Where is the love? Even pleasing variety has likely limits.
Don't get me wrong -- sexual compatibility and playful lovemaking are fantastic and beautiful acquisitions. They can make a marriage "rock." Yet, daily boinking of the flesh doesn't necessarily feed the desires of the mind. Besides, the pressure to copulate may become too intense. I see the real recourse that pleasure can turn into pain. At what point does horny become lascivious? When does soothing become sore?