I think I need to ruminate about my conceptions of hell. When I think of the dark abyss, I think in forms of actual earthly people and concepts. To me, this is very frightening. Reality jolts a person's sense of the supernatural. Here are some bad scenarios for hell.
Satan forces me to listen to rap music 24/7 on his only radio station.
The only pole dancers at the stripper bar I must attend are Roseanne Barr and Rosey O'Donnell.
My eternal bunky roommate is Perez Hilton.
I must daily watch four walls of video screens playing soap opera episodes over and over.
I am forced to wear headphones that repeat a soundtrack of every mistake I have ever made in my life.
I must survive on a daily diet of tofu and liver.
The only beer that is served is Iron City.
The only football games that are broadcast are the Michigan Wolverines and the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Richard Simmons leads the required daily "Sweatin' to the Oldies" exercise class.
Making idle chit-chat with Tammy Fay Bakker is mandatory.
The only coffee available is caffeine-free.
Dr. Phil is my psychoanalysis.
Dr. Kevorkian is my physician.
I am forced to have to think like a woman.
Foreplay is a minimum of four hours.
Required attire is pants below the ass underwear and hoodies.
I think I need to ruminate about my conceptions of hell. When I think of the dark abyss, I think in forms of actual earthly people and concepts. To me, this is very frightening. Reality jolts a person's sense of the supernatural. Here are some bad scenarios for hell.
Satan forces me to listen to rap music 24/7 on his only radio station.
The only pole dancers at the stripper bar I must attend are Roseanne Barr and Rosey O'Donnell.
My eternal bunky roommate is Perez Hilton.
I must daily watch four walls of video screens playing soap opera episodes over and over.
I am forced to wear headphones that repeat a soundtrack of every mistake I have ever made in my life.
I must survive on a daily diet of tofu and liver.
The only beer that is served is Iron City.
The only football games that are broadcast are the Michigan Wolverines and the Pittsburgh Steelers.
Richard Simmons leads the required daily "Sweatin' to the Oldies" exercise class.
Making idle chit-chat with Tammy Fay Bakker is mandatory.
The only coffee available is caffeine-free.
Dr. Phil is my psychoanalysis.
Dr. Kevorkian is my physician.
I am forced to have to think like a woman.
Foreplay is a minimum of four hours.
Required attire is pants below the ass underwear and hoodies.
This isn't exactly a biblical perspective, but it did make me laugh!!!
ReplyDeleteor how about being made to drive across country on a 4 lane highway behind the person in the passing lane who is going exactly the same speed as the person in the driving lane.
ReplyDeleteWell, Bethany, sometimes it's better to give a perspective that we can laugh at. Ha! Just too much to consider the real thing right now.
ReplyDeleteDebbie- Nice entry. That just "frosts" me too. I guess maybe I consider lapse of reason and age at times. But, that would be an eternity of hell.
My idea of hell is being put into a place, where you can't remember anything from before you arrived and you can't know anything about where you are going after or when you will be leaving, but you do know that leave you must at some point. Somehow during your time in this place you must figure out how to get to the next place, and if you figure incorrectly, you are tortured forever. You are given a guide book, and everyone else around you reads that book and tells you exactly how to interpret it, however, every one of them tells you something different. Its just like life, only in hell, three things are outlawed that are allowed in life. Faith, Hope, and Love.
ReplyDeletePretty interesting concept. I guess I would just trust my intuition, if I still had any. Or I would try to make friends with the most trusting interpreter. Where is Monte Hall when we need him?
ReplyDeleteLove the thoughts put into this. Great stuff. "My whole world lies waiting behind door number 3." says Jimmy Buffet.
Anonymous, I think your response is very thought-provoking and well put! My advice would be to read and learn the guide book yourself and not have others interpret it for you!
ReplyDelete