"Mom and Dad, Why Does President Trump Act That Way?"

Remember when people would tell a child that he or she could become anything they wanted to be, including President of the United States of America? What reverence and respect we once held for the office of the presidency. Now, a sobering reality concerns a child's conception of the office of the Leader of the Free World. The president is far from a consummate role model.

Imagine that your child comes to you and says: “My friend told me President Trump made racist tweets telling congresswomen of color to 'go home' to their countries. Why would he do such a bad thing?”

How do you explain the bigoted words and actions of President Trump to that young person?

Perhaps there is no satisfactory answer. How do you explain that Donald Trump is separating young children from their parents? How do you defend his racist comments such as “Send her back!” or ““Why are we having all these people from shithole countries come here?” How do you explain how a president defends the bigotry and violence at Charlottesville, Virginia, by saying he believes it happened “on many sides”?

Most disturbing, how do you explain to a child that even when Trump misspeaks or when he acts with bigoted intent, he fails to take full responsibility for his miscue and offer an apology. A true narcissist, Trump is never prepared to own the racism his speech and actions arouse. He thinks it’s acceptable to hurt minorities, immigrants, and women. He uses empowerment and blame to bully others and have his way.

Believe it or not, even young children, those two to four years old, possess a mind that can best be described in terms of complex cognitive structures. Children can assemble and organize material. They are active learners who are able to set goals, plan, and revise. And, these young humans very early in life develop critical skills of thinking, communication, and problem-solving. Young children are actively engaged in making sense of their world.

Adults must support children’s curiosity and persistence while directing their attention, structuring their experiences, supporting their learning attempts, and regulating the complexity and difficulty levels of information for them. Like sponges, young people pick up on everything, so parents are obligated to help them sort right from wrong.

Trump's administration does not value decency, civility, knowledge and truthfulness. Many people who are offended simply want to remain indifferent in respect to “the office.” Therefore, should a parent simply ignore a young person's questions about his improprieties?

No. Doing so would certainly exacerbate a child's curiosity and perhaps lead to the child seeking other sources that offer misinformation. Parents need to deal with these questions themselves because parents are the ultimate role models for their children. They must set proper expectations while providing nurturing and structure. It is part of their job description.

Child psychologist Dr. Ava Siegler says …

“I believe that we are in the midst of a national disaster and parents are our first responders. To counter what’s happening, you need to redouble your efforts to criticize what you see and hear in the Trump administration and reinforce the values that you want your child to have. For example, you can say to your kid, 'No matter what Trump does, we don’t call people nasty names in our family.'”

Seigler believes the biggest threat facing Americans is the diminishment and destruction of what she calls “the civilizing emotions” – empathy, self-control, morality and realistic self-regard. She believes parents must foster in their children these emotions and consistently point out when they see a disregard for them in any situation, especially coming out of our nation’s highest office.

Children understand the actions of a bully. They see such behavior at school and at play. They absorb the impact of name calling and spiteful actions as they respond to difficult situations around them. At a very young age, they become socialized and take their roles as active participants in real life dramas. As you know, knowledge is true power, the best ally in a cultural revolution of twisted values. Despite the debate over “fake news” and the sensation-seeking media, children need to arm themselves with solid facts.

Meaningful discussions about the president can move from talking about Trump. The focus can turn around to talking about kids’ behavior and the similar kinds of behaviors they’ve seen in friends, siblings, parents, and others around them. They need to know what happens to bullies when they grow up. They need to ask themselves whether their esteemed parents, teachers, coaches, older siblings, or friends would act like this in the face of conflicts. They also need to ask themselves if they would trust their loved ones if they acted irresponsibly.

In addition, children need to consider their own actions under pressure. For example, if they would object to a school or athletic policy, how far would they get by making angry tweets or yelling at school officials?

Here’s what we all have seen repeatedly in the media, which are also behaviors that we may see in our own kids and families.

• Deliberately misrepresenting the truth
• Bullying and mocking others
• Being easily Influenced by the negatives motives of others
• Needing to be the center of attention
• Failing to take responsibility for misbehavior
• Defying rules and authority
• Acting thoughtlessly and impulsively
• Seeking revenge and retaliating when slighted

Meaningful discussions can occur at the dinner table, while driving in the car, or while simply sitting around in the living room. Dr. Siegler encourages talking about Trump's impulsive behaviors with children young and old. She says …

“For younger children, realistic reassurance is the most helpful intervention. For example, you might say: 'Trump is making bad decisions, but lots of people are fighting against him and are trying to stop him.'

“For older children, it’s extremely important to increase their knowledge of what’s going on in the world and engage them in social activism. Involve them in writing letters to representatives, invite them to march alongside you in safe and appropriate demonstrations, and have them volunteer for campaigns when appropriate. It is also important for parents to encourage children to hold out hope for the future. Reassure them and remind them that no matter how bad things are, how bad Trump is, he is not a king. We are a democracy and we are all working hard to make sure we elect someone better in four years.”

(Karin Kamp. “How to Talk to Children About Donald Trump.”

Bill Moyers. July 21, 2017.)

The time has come to be honest with our children about what Donald Trump is: He is a hopeless narcissist, deserving of no recognition as even an acceptable president. His lies alone trouble the nation to the point of his actions being a present danger. According to PolitiFact, a whopping 70% of Trump’s public statements range in veracity from “Mostly False” to the ultra-untrue “Pants on Fire.”

As Trump appeals to his base with racist comments, anti-science posturing, nuclear brinksmanship, and vicious name calling and tweets, he acts more like a cult leader than a chief executive.

Still, we must help children resist with ambition and greater expectation. We must assure them Trump is a temporary occupant of the office and a better leader is somewhere in the wings. But for now, we must also tell them exactly what Trump is and not excuse his continuous bigotry as simply misguided behavior. This would only serve to perpetuate the bullying and hatred they experience.

Writer Christopher Dale relates …

“A recent headline in typically centrist, balanced Newsweek says it all: President Trump Has the Work Ethic of a Bored, Lazy Child. And if you don’t do your homework, you won’t pass the test.

“The obvious takeaway: Don’t be a bored, lazy child. The persistence of learning and practice is crucial to succeeding in school, work, relationships. Anything worthwhile takes effort …

“For now, we do what we can; we resist with hope rather than despair. In doing so, we teach our children how character can be forged in adversity. We must be the role models our President so clearly is not.”

(Christopher Dale. “In Denouncing Trump, We Teach Our Children.” The Good Men Project. October 22, 2017)