Teen Dating -- Yesterday and Today

I recently asked a group of high school students what they did for fun … you know, spontaneous activity like cruising, socializing, and dating. As a group, they stared at me with blank looks as if I had challenged them with a mighty perplexing question. They finally came up with a few answers, but I could tell things have changed.

The teenagers didn't answer that they enjoyed hanging in local places, swimming at community pools, driving for mere pleasure, or socializing at musical events. It seemed as if the word “dating” was foreign to them. I was pretty taken aback because I still hold fondly to my memories of friends, going out together, and having fun. In my day, a date was a very important event.

Now I admit I don't know much about the state of dating these days. I remember washing and cleaning my car before a date – getting the inside and outside so clean that my date could see it sparkle. When picking her up, you worked extra hard to make a good impression. That detail, to my generation, was normal. No matter how stylish your car or how large your bankbook, you made sure if looked and smelled great.

With the price of gas and entertainment, I can't even fathom a guess about the cost of a nice date these days. I am sure it is astronomical in relation to going out in my day. With that in mind, I decided to do a little research, and I found over the past 40 years, the share of students in twelfth grade who report dating frequently (more than once a week) has declined, from 33 in 1976, to 14 percent in 2017; the proportion of twelfth graders who report not dating at all increased substantially over this period, from 15 to 49 percent.

(Child Trends – a continuing study of American youth)

Barbara Greenberg, Ph.D., a noted clinical psychologist known as the “Teen Doctor,” explains that “hook-ups" seem to be replacing dating. It seems that males and females are equally aggressive these days and have embraced a culture of "friends with benefits"

According to Greenberg ...

“The current generation of teens has, as you are aware, moved away from dating and is often referred to as the "hook-up" generation. Hook-ups, I am told by the teens, refer to no-strings attached physical meetings of the body ranging from kissing to intercourse. They tend to be most likely to occur when teens are at parties and under the influence of alcohol.”

This view certainly leads to concerns that there has been a move away from relationship-based sex to recreational sex. It appears teens have moved away from mate selection and, instead, have embraced an introduction to the world of intimacy. Of course, allowing teens to date and explore romantic relationships (in moderation) is a good thing. But, it seems the rules of the dating game have changed. Does it have anything to do with shorter attention spans?

An article from Psychology Today reports only half of “hook-ups” involved any genital play, and only one-third included intercourse. A study of Northeastern University students found similar results: 78% of students reported hook-ups, but only about a third of encounters included intercourse. These figures remind me of what l recall of casual relationships five decades ago.

So, there is plenty of room for optimism. Althought the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports that approximately 45 percent of teens have sex in high school, but there is good news for parents. Teens nowadays actually wait longer to become sexually active. In 1994, 30 percent of 15-year-olds were sexually active. Now, only about 16 percent of kids have had sex by their 15th birthday.

(Lawrence B. Finer and Jesse M. Philbin. “Sexual Initiation, Contraceptive Use, and Pregnancy Among Young Adolescents.” Pediatrics, Volume 131, May 2013.)

Pew Research reports the one in four teens have dated or “hooked up” with somebody they initially encountered online. Half of all teens have let someone know they're interested in them romantically by friending them on Facebook or on another social media site. Breaking up? 27 percent of teen daters have broken up with someone via text message, and 31 percent have been broken up in this way.

Dating has greatly changed thanks to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. Pew (2018) found at least 94 percent of teenagers 12 to 17 are online using a mobile device do so daily. A growing share of teens (50%) describe their internet use “almost constantly” or “hourly. Common Sense reported 70 percent of teenagers check social media several times a day, up from just 34 percent in 2012.

This certainly changes social communication. Snapchat ID is a go-to forum for instant photo chatting. And for other “sexier” things? In a study completed by Drexel University that measured teen sexting rates, researchers found that more than half of respondents admitted to participating in sexting. About 54 percent admitted that they had sexted, and 28 percent send actual photos.

Do teens engage in parking and in driving to other private venues for intimate relationships? After all, the law has cracked down, and drive-in movie theaters are going the way of the dinosaur. Some believe "Come over, maybe say 'hi' to my parents, and we're going to hang out in my room" is the latest call to hormonal action. This has led to a debate among parents who consider the reality the situation (In 2015, 41.2 percent of high school students reported having had sexual intercourse.) and who entertain thoughts of allowing their teens to have sexual experiences at home instead of at a party or in the backseat of a car.

By the way, we all know the only safe and effective way to prevent unintended pregnancy and STIs is abstinence. However, experts, including the Guttmacher Institute researcher Laura Lindberg, have reviewed the scientific evidence accumulated over several decades about U.S. sexual abstinence-only programs and once again concluded that AOUM (abstinence-only-until-marriage) programs are ineffective, stigmatizing and unethical.

(Laura D. Lindberg et al. “Abstinence-Only-Until-Marriage: An Updated Review

of U.S. Policies and Programs and Their Impact.” Journal of Adolescent Health,

Volume 61. 2017.)

Now, group outings are increasingly popular as “dating” opportunities. According to High School Hallways, group dates have replaced traditional dates, especially early into the relationship. Driving to your boyfriend's or girlfriend's house, ringing the doorbell, and waiting to speak to parents is firmly no longer the thing to do. Now, group hangs dominate. So when you hear your teen is going on a big group outing, ask to get to know everyone who's attending.

The percentage of teens who have ever had a paid job has fallen from 76 to 55 percent over the last four decades. This is true across demographic and geographic lines. Psychologist Jean Twenge says …

"The developmental trajectory of adolescence has slowed, with teens growing up more slowly than they used to. In terms of adult activities, 18-year-olds now look like 15-year-olds once did."

To many teens, dating is frustrating and complicated. Combined with the casual culture of hooking up, one night stands, and friends with benefits, actually finding someone to seriously date can be difficult. Teenagers have so many options that "going steady" can be a hard pitch to sell. Besides, nowadays, they have more freedom to choose how they live their lives.

I still think simple dating – not hooking up or feeling obliged to share body parts or risky relationships – is something missing today. Sharing a drive, a simple meal, a walk, or a movie can build healthy relationships in adolescents and can help shape their identity.

Dating can prepare teens for more positive relationships during adulthood while providing them with tools to start and maintain healthy relationships (with romantic partners as well as with peers, employers, teachers, and parents). The social skills they develop while dating can be used to learn about other people and to grow emotionally. And, very simply, a date is a face-to-face meeting, something rare in today's computerized society.

Click it: https://www.cdc.gov/features/teen-dating-violence/index.html

Afterthoughts

I considered the difference in dating today and dating in the 1960s. Gone are the drive-in movie theaters, gone are the awkward first-date phone calls, gone are front-door goodbye kisses … but, maybe most importantly, gone are the spacious and inviting front bench seats. I say this in jest but also in fond remembrance.

After World War II when affordable European sports cars arrived in the U.S., they brought with them the appeal for sporty bucket seats. Now, full-size American sedans are an endangered species and as well as their roomy bench seats. After a few popular U.S. models, including the Chevrolet Corvette, started featuring bucket seats, Americans began to view them as more roomy and practical than the classic bench. Then, you also have the change with the whole safety thing including airbags and optimal seating configurations. The bench bit the dust.

Every red-blooded American male in my day knew that if your date slid close to you on the bench front seat, you were well on your way to First Base. The bench also made it easy to snuggle up with your date wherever you were. Wink, wink.

Bring back the bench. I think it would encourage dating. In fact, one could argue that the decline of the bench seat is directly tied to the decline of drive-in movie theaters and to the frustration of lonely drivers. And, I know … I know the necessity of seat belts. But, they have also contributed to lack of snuggle time and who knows what else. Oh the impediments to cruising and looking at the moonlight. Just ask Chuck Berry.

No Particular Place to Go

By Chuck Berry

Ridin' along in my automobile
My baby beside me at the wheel
I stole a kiss at the turn of a mile
My curiosity runnin' wild
Cruisin' and playin' the radio
With no particular place to go

Ridin' along in my automobile
I's anxious to tell her the way I feel
So I told her softly and sincere
And she leaned and whispered in my ear
Cuddlin' more and drivin' slow
With no particular place to go

No particular place to go
So we parked way out on the kokomo
The night was young and the moon was bold
So we both decided to take a stroll
Can you imagine the way I felt?
I couldn't unfasten her safety belt

Ridin' along in my calaboose
Still tryin' to get her belt aloose
All the way home I held a grudge
But the safety belt it wouldn't budge
Cruisin' and playin' the radio
With no particular place to go