The Mighty Power of Forgiveness

Forgiveness

by Emily Dickinson

My heart was heavy, for its trust had been
Abused, its kindness answered with foul wrong;
So, turning gloomily from my fellow-men,
One summer Sabbath day I strolled among
The green mounds of the village burial-place;
Where, pondering how all human love and hate
Find one sad level; and how, soon or late,
Wronged and wrongdoer, each with meekened face,
And cold hands folded over a still heart,
Pass the green threshold of our common grave,
Whither all footsteps tend, whence none depart,
Awed for myself, and pitying my race,
Our common sorrow, like a mighty wave,
Swept all my pride away, and trembling I forgave!

Forgiveness is generally regarded as a positive response to human wrongdoing. It is a conceptually, psychologically, and morally complex phenomenon involving the cease of resentment or claim to requital.

Much of the understanding of the response of forgiveness is grounded in what the process is not – forgiveness does not involve condoning, overlooking, forgetting, or even pardoning an offense. In fact, the act is done without conditions and does not seek an ounce of justice. And, the person who forgives must remember that forgiveness never changes the past.

Forgiveness does involve a decision to release the bitterness, resentment, vengeance, and anger toward the person who has hurt you. As you truly forgive, you are intentionally embracing mercy and grace. You are letting go of your right to punish for the offense in the future. You are basically saying, “I will not bring this incident up again and use it against you.” Perhaps, most importantly, forgiveness means you step into your present rather than anchoring in the past.

From the ancient Greeks through the Hebrew and Christian bibles to the present day, forgiveness has typically been regarded as a personal response to having been injured or wronged.

The Greek word translated as “forgive” in the New Testament, aphiēmi, carried a wide range of meanings, including “to remit (a debt), to leave (something or someone) alone, to allow (an action), to leave, to send away, to desert or abandon, and even to divorce.”

In fact, the Greek word appears 146 times in the New Testament, but it is translated in most English versions as “forgive” only 38 of those times. Considering the entire range of meanings of this word gives us some indication of what “forgiveness” might have meant to listeners in Jesus’ first-century context.

Most of all, forgiveness in its origin was an action rather than a feeling, and so contemporary ideas about forgiveness as an emotional state must come from sources other than the biblical text.

Although there are a variety of definitions of forgiveness, research has suggested they all have three common components:

1. Gaining a more balanced view of the offender and the event.
2. Decreasing negative feelings towards the offender and potentially increasing compassion.
3. Giving up the right to punish the offender further or to demand restitution.

Esteemed Professor of Philosophy Charles L. Griswold posits …

“Consider its (forgiveness) genesis in the interpersonal context: one person wrongs another. Forgiveness is a response to that wrong, and hence to the other person as author of that action. Forgiveness retains the bilateral or social character of the situation to which it seeks to respond.

“The anger you feel in response to having been treated unjustly is warranted only if, in its intensity and its target, it is fitting. After all, if you misidentified who did you wrong, then forgiving that person would be inappropriate, indeed, insulting. Or if the wrongdoer is rightly identified but is not culpable, perhaps by virtue of ignorance or youth, then once again it is not forgiveness that is called for but something else – say, excuse or pardon.”

Research praises the benefits of forgiveness. Forgiveness is literally good for your heart. Elizabeth Scott, MS in her article “The Many Benefits of Forgiveness writes one study from the Journal of Behavioral Medicine (2019) found forgiveness to be associated with lower heart rate and blood pressure as well as stress relief. This can bring long-term health benefits to your heart and overall health.

Scott also related that later study found forgiveness to be positively associated with five measures of health: physical symptoms, medications used, sleep quality, fatigue, and somatic complaints. It seems that the reduction in negative affect (depressive symptoms), strengthened spirituality, conflict management and stress relief you find through forgiveness all have a significant impact on your overall health.

A third study, published in the Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, found that forgiveness not only restores positive thoughts, feelings, and behaviors toward the offending party (in other words, forgiveness restores the relationship to its previous positive state) but the benefits of forgiveness spill over to your positive behaviors toward others outside of the relationship. Forgiveness is associated with more volunteerism, donating to charity, and other altruistic behaviors. (And the converse is true of non-forgiveness.)

In the poem above, renowned poet Emily Dickinson (1830 – May 15, 1886), a powerful and persistent figure in American culture, speaks of forgiveness as the narrator of her poem realizes “all human love and hate find one sad level” – the burial place. There in the graveyard, the speaker is overcome by a tide of “common sorrow sweeping her pride away” and leaving her “trembling in forgiveness.” The sad tone is evocative and final in its stark revelation.

I agree with Rubin Khoddam, PhD and clinical psychologist, who says …

“Forgiveness is the cornerstone of any relationship, romantic or otherwise. We assume people see life the way we see life. However, there are as many perceptions as there are people in this world. Our lack of understanding of other people's perceptions can create gaps built on miscommunication, anger, animosity, and emotional disconnection. However, our relationship with forgiveness can help bridge these gaps.”

Forgiveness involves a difficult process, but one involving necessary steps for those who seek to reach acceptance. When we don't forgive, it's easy to stay in the anger. However, when we stay angry, we can avoid going into those harder places that involve the impact of the betrayal.

Oprah Winfrey said …

"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could be any different."

I do not believe it takes a practicing Christian to grant forgiveness. To me, any keen observer of human nature – as Emily Dickinson affirms – should engage in the practice. Unconditional forgiveness breaks the bondage of offended feelings. After all, hating someone, holding an offense, or harboring a grudge causes many negative effects. The person who allows such attitudes in his life becomes joyless and sour.

And, plenty of people suffer from long-held grudges built from the erroneous material of their imaginations. They hurt for no good reason. Yet, with their stubborn egos, they hang onto anger and resentment that eventually only cripples and debilitates them and their relations with others.

With all of the energy wasted on animosity and anger, those who refuse to forgive fail to acknowledge that both “wronged and wrongdoer find one sad level in the common grave.” In the end, pride and grudges are meaningless. A person without forgiveness gains no favor. Any animosity that remains serves to hinder those left behind and to enable a hideous cycle of abuse.

Imagine a God without forgiveness. If you won't forgive others, how in the name of heavenly equality and justice, do you expect mercy from God? Suffice it to say that all believers seek forgiveness for their untold sins on earth. Why would a loving God want you to live without embracing the tenet of forgiveness yourself? You must forgive as an act of obedience letting God carry the burden. It is a blunt message with a direct obligation.

"The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.”

– Mahatma Gandhi

People who forgive are not weak but strong enough to walk their path without those who’ve hurt them. The qualities associated with forgiveness – love, peace, happiness – are fast, high, empowering vibrational energies. On the contrary, the qualities associated with unforgiveness -- resentment, anger, hatred -- are slow, low, disempowering energies.

In forgiveness, you show that you are above the actions of another person because their actions are a reflection of their issues and have nothing to do with you and who you are. You acknowledge imperfection, the human condition. As Gandhi said, “An eye for an eye only ends up making the whole world blind.”

I firmly believe ideas need actions to give them meaning. Actions bring ideas to life and effectively induce change – both personal growth and world change. As you consider necessary forgiveness, allow me to add a particular note: I have never regretted forgiving any wrongdoing; moreover, I have never regretted making an apology for any of the incalculable mistakes I have made. If accepting forgiveness and seeking it are weaknesses, I confess I strongly embrace those two frailties in my own life.

To me, elasticity is perhaps the greatest quality to possess. Rigidity of belief and expectations can be a person’s undoing. I believe we must be constantly open to change and new understandings. I need forgiveness. Without it, I would be a shell of myself. In the mind of one of the greatest American writers, I would stink …

"Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it."

–Mark Twain