Dealing With My Poor Perceptions -- My Eyes Through a Glass Darkly

“There are things known and there are things unknown,

and in between are the doors of perception.”

– Aldous Huxley

I find it a struggle to remain true to my own perceptions as I express them and, at the same time, to be fully considerate to the views of others whose lives I know little or nothing about. I like to think I respect the beliefs and opinions of others; however, since I am vocal and passionate about my awareness, I find it most easy to express my own impressions freely and without common regard for the perceptions of others. For that, I have deep regret.

Perceptions are based on how people interpret different sensations. The perceptual process begins with receiving stimuli from the environment and ends with an interpretation of those stimuli. Researchers have studied individual perception to gain access to understanding the meaning of experience for an individual, a culture, and or social groups. Studies have found perceptions are interpretations, and for most individuals, interpretations become their truth.

Reality defined – “The world or the state of things as they actually exist… existence that is absolute, self-sufficient, or objective, and not subject to human decisions or conventions.”

It is clear that perception and reality have very different meanings. The former occurs entirely in the mind, and mental gymnastics can turn any perception or belief into reality. The other – the truth – exists completely outside of the mind and can’t be easily manipulated. (Although the truth is often difficult to comprehend.)

Psychologist and author Jim Taylor, Ph.D says …

“To conflate perception with reality is to reject the Enlightenment and harken back to the Middle Ages.”

I see I face a great challenge in my perceptions – how to ensure my perceptions remain close to reality. And, perhaps just as important, I face demands to tolerate and to find common ground with any and all opposition. In other words, I must listen and digest that which I find un-perceivable, and I should do that with less of my habit – a knee-jerk, verbal opposition.

What happens when people have such diametrically opposed perceptions that it becomes impossible to orchestrate consensus or govern? Taylor explains what happens at a societal level when different individuals or constituencies develop perceptions that are far apart …

“Going to extremes, a massive divide between perceptions in a country would likely lead to a slow, but steady, disintegration of the institutions that hold a society together (dystopian themes in literature and film or, well, our world today).”

The need for “cognition” refers to the tendency to think carefully and fully about experiences, including the social situations we encounter. Those with a strong need for cognition tend to process information more thoughtfully and therefore may make more causal attributions overall. In contrast, people without a strong need for cognition tend to be more impulsive and impatient and may make attributions more quickly and spontaneously.

(Sargent, M. 2004. Less thought, more punishment: Need for cognition

predicts support for punitive responses to crime.

Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, 30)

In myself, I recognize a need for greater cognition. I value all thoughtful opinion, but it is easy to let emotions sway my actions. While vocalizing opinions I often fall prey to impatience and later regret being so impulsive. It is a character fault I exhibit many times without immediate conscious awareness. After the fact, I realize an entirely different perception, and I am committed to make apologies for my shortcomings.

I have often thought about why I, although possessing an understanding of the negativity of impulsive behavior, continually exhibit this behavior. Why is this a habit I regret having? I have reached a conclusion that I feel an overstepping obligation to share my firmly established perceptions. In my case, I believe the propensity to do this began early in life.

I was president of my class each year in high school. I felt an obligation (and still do) to represent my class while speaking and organizing functions. I believe being vocal and taking charge came with that office. My classmates trusted my opinion. And, even though offices and such were largely popularity contests, I accepted the honor of representing my class.

Also, immediately after high school (while I attended college), I worked as a director of a tutoring program and with various youth groups. Early on, I found it necessary to formulate judgments and carry out responsibilities that affected many others. While working these positions, I became comfortable with further responsibilities of leadership. In fact, I used that experience to help me choose to major in college of English Secondary Education (bachelors and masters degrees).

After attaining my bachelors, I gained employment as a high school language arts teacher. From the get-go, I taught seniors in high school just four or five years older than I was. I found that interaction quite rewarding but also challenging. I took providing a perspective of my own life while teaching the English curriculum very seriously. I guess you could say I found confidence in my relationship with young adults.

Here I am today – retired and set in my ways. At my age of 69 I should practice patience out of respect for the wisdom I have acquired over the years. I revere sages who possess a quiet demeanor and who express eloquent understandings. I often reflect on those in my life who respectfully imparted knowledge and invaluable understandings. But … I am … at least in any relation to “quiet” and “reserved” … a work in progress.

I understand what I perceive is often far from reality. Also, I acknowledge that I am often too quick to defend my perceptions. Determining how much of this brashness is defensible and how much is totally irrational is part of my struggle. I am certain it always has been difficult to tell. I confess I still deal with overreaction … but, I still work on it.

When I participate in a group setting and I see my polar opposite – a shy, reticent introvert – I wonder why that person feels no desire or obligation to express himself. I do not want to speak or to act for him, yet I am quick to judge somehow his bashfulness inhibits his participation. The truth is that I “perceive” something alien to the facts. I have no right to judge.

I pray my loud and impetuous behavior does not harm the reality and truthful understandings of any situation. And, if it does produce injury, I hope those offended may assign the needed blame and retribution to the rightful source – me.

If I have learned anything in my life, it is that one's words and actions can create a lasting effect on others. I regret projecting many of my mistaken perceptions … and yet, to be fair to myself, I also treasure using my perceptions to influence positively others who found some truth in my words.

I want to be a better person. I think almost all of us do. How I handle my deficiencies continues to reflect upon my being. I do not wish to become an “invisible” member of my older generation. Instead, I want to be a senior voice with an opinion. If you have been a victim of some transgression due to my reckless lack of cognition, I apologize. I pledge to keep working on my apparent faults.

“Reality is ultimately a selective act of perception and interpretation. A shift in our perception and interpretation enables us to break old habits and awaken new possibilities for balance, healing, and transformation.”

–  Author and journalist David Simon