Losing Friends In Times of Trump

I know all the maxims such as …

“Never argue politics or religion.”

“Two persons cannot long be friends if they cannot forgive each other's little failings.”

“Friends are forever.”

These axioms provide measured, useful advice for people. In a perfect world, the advice would be taken with full reverence and understanding. We, unfortunately, are no longer living in a society that has any semblance to an ethically minded population.

This is the only time in my life I have taken a hard stand on my resistance to a president of the United States. In fact, I normally do not enter the fray of a political election, and I usually do not care for political involvement. However, I believe Trump is an unqualified, narcissistic, foolish president who presents an ever-present danger to our country. I also think his supporters are contributing to this peril.

In what is, admittedly, a divisive, hate-filled society, I now find myself distancing from friends and even strangers who “go over the line” to oppose my activism and anti-Trump approach. This line of tolerance separates people who engage in vigorous and civilized debate and those who use rage-induced responses to make political discussion personally offensive. You may fairly accuse me of engaging too much, but I am deeply dedicated to my beliefs.

I have been called a “libtard,” an “asshat” and an “idiot.” People right-of-center have said I am a “pussy,” a “liar,” and they have employed the use of many other choice, offensive names too colorful to mention to belittle me. Whey people do this, they unfairly attack my character. When someone makes a political argument personal, I no longer wish to have them as friends. I divorce myself from the bond and go ahead with my life.

I respect people that do not agree with me; however, if those folks choose to denigrate me and attack me, I do not wish to engage with them or pretend to see them still as “friends.” I see their divisive words as a betrayal of common courtesy as well as an unwarranted offense to a shared relationship – I believe they do so as a direct result of a president who encourages Americans to turn their hostility away from him and against their fellow citizens. Trump constantly exhibits such offensive behavior and name calling in his tweets and in his unguarded, emotional remarks.

In distancing myself from people who attack me, I understand that many of the offenders are decent and intelligent people. I do not want to belittle them or point my finger in their face. I just no longer wish to pander to their will – a will that chooses to attack my character, the mental and moral qualities distinctive to my individuality.

That said, I have friends with whom I never talk politics in the first place, and with whom I am now afraid to do so. Still, in such a mutually agreed upon charade – a pretense usually involving relatives – I regret the fact that talking about issues and concerns is now taboo. It is very difficult to skirt all discussion of current events because of political difference.

Why do I find myself taking such a rigid stand on refusing to allow name calling and denigrating comments? After all, many of these people I distance myself from are lifelong acquaintances. I feel these people put personal relationships ahead of serious moral disagreements when they cross the line and make an argument about me, not about an issue or a politician.

Yet, I fear there is more to my rejection of certain people. Would I be friends with a Nazi, a racist, a misogynist, an alt-right proponent, or a person whose prejudice about any human right colors his character. No.

How about those who defend an incurable liar, a classic narcissist, and a leader focused on his personal gain over the principles of justice and equality? Should I cave to their bullying behaviors and their unabashed white nationalism? Do I simply let their divisive words overcome me, someone they commonly refer to as a “snowflake” – a political insult for someone who is perceived as “too sensitive.” No.

I regret losing friends due to my current political views. Still, I do not regret losing those friends who choose to attack me and disparage me as an unintelligent, nasty person. Even if, like me, those people want what’s best for our nation, they have no reason to destroy my character. As another old saying goes: “Maybe they weren't that good a friend in the first place.” Damn, I hate saying that … but these days, don't tell me you haven't thought about that same possibility more and more.

To close, I admit I have pissed off many friends in my life. I have also made many apologies to those same friends for going “over the line.” Many of them have also apologized to me when they realize they have unfairly inflicted a hurt.

Making mistakes is inherent in the human condition. I certainly have made my share of mistakes. I have so many things I would change if I could, and I have never regretted apologizing for my hurtful errors in judgment. God help us all with our differences and disagreements. Still, I cannot fathom meaningful relationships without “lines” that separate acceptable from non-acceptable behaviors.