Finding Meaning In This COVID Christmas

 

I remember watching the Bob Hope USO shows around Christmas and trying to imagine the feelings of our armed service members being away from home in war zones during the holidays. For 40 years, Bob Hope USO Christmas shows brightened the holidays for deployed troops. Each show ended with the audience joining in “Silent Night” and the words of Hope wishing the crowd “Merry Christmas.” Few can watch video of these shows with a dry eye.

Bob Hope once said …

“Back in 1941, at March Field, California … I still remember fondly that first soldier audience. I looked at them, they laughed at me, and it was love at first sight.”

In a manner of speaking, in 2020 we all are fighting in a war zone. As COVID-19 spikes threaten the health and the lives of Americans, we face a Christmas like no other. The prospects of avoiding family gatherings and curtailing holiday celebrations are depressing. I see a parallel between troops in foreign lands dealing with their raw emotions and us during this COVID Christmas – we are lonely and frightened.

The question for many of us is this: “How do we cope with Christmas this year?” At the risk of sounding like one of those maudlin, preachy television psychologists, I want to offer some answers. I hope something I say makes a difference and alleviates the anxiety associated with the novel season we face.

As we feel helpless and believe things are out of control, we can realize that we cannot change others. However, we can acknowledge that we can change ourselves and that we have an opportunity to do the “inner work” – to reflect on the things we can control and the ways we can move things forward. We must make ourselves aware of the different ways to interpret a situation, accept other realities, and let that guide our perception.

Perhaps, we should first acknowledge all the negative things that challenged us, pushed us, and yet helped us grow during this pandemic. Fighting the virus meant changing our everyday existence and finding new ways to help assure public safety while slowly opening up our communities. Even in lockdown, we refused to let anxiety control us as we phoned and messaged our friends and family to assure them we loved them and cared for them.

Fear, itself, can cause problems. But, by now, we have faced this fear for many months, and we have become more comfortable in dealing with all the inconveniences and challenges presented by the virus. Our action plan included masking, social distancing, and avoiding crowds. These things helped stop the spread of the virus and allowed us to begin interaction with others – albeit in limited fashion.

"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I have lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' You must do the thing you think you cannot do."

--Eleanor Roosevelt

In these very anxious times, we have learned not to panic and to reduce access to the three "A's": Alienation, Anger, and Unfounded Anxiety. We employed electronic connections – social media, FaceTime, Skype – and we found healthy hobbies and activities – wood-working, knitting, cooking, painting, photography, reading, writing – to occupy our time.

We have also learned to reject misinformation about the virus while trusting learned health experts to guide us to a safer, healthier existence. As we did so, we valued conformity and obedience over eccentricity or blind rebellion. We even reduced our anxiety by developing better hygiene habits and health practices … wise actions both during the coronavirus and for the long term.

Patience is the ability to defer gratification and endure hardships. The patience we have developed during these unprecedented times serves us well. After months of waiting, we now find ourselves being able to better weather frustration and adversity. Many of us have found a strong inner-peace that buoys our independence – our time alone has helped us shape our talents and inborn abilities. And, of course, all of us have discovered that life is not always about winning or getting your way. Being tolerant teaches positive humility – a trait that is a great asset for self-improvement.

“Patience is not the ability to wait, but the ability to keep a good attitude while waiting.”

– Anonymous

Perhaps most importantly, we have learned to be more empathetic – especially with older people and with those who have compromised health conditions or who face challenges due to poverty or race. That empathy leverages the insight to manage our relationships and decisions. Kindness also sows optimism, and optimism is exactly what we need right now.

Research shows that providing empathy, kindness and compassion to our fellow citizens is the single most important factor in surviving the initial stages of disaster, limiting suffering, protecting the vulnerable, and quickly recovering in the aftermath of the crisis.

Listening deeply to understand what people actually need is a skill that can be learned and practiced. During the pandemic, we have learned to be less self-focused. We have discovered demonstrating compassion for others is an effective coping strategy that has a calming effect on the nervous system. Being empathetic can reduce our own stress and help us regulate our own emotions. Turning from being self-focused to being other-focused, our compassion for others can help us forget our own worries, at least temporarily. This actually boosts our own mental health and well-being.

Right now every single person is looking to see how their company is treating them and how their employers are treating family members and friends. With our new empathy, we find ourselves more united in fighting against injustices that prevent proper care and treatment. Many of us have become activists against these inequalities.

“You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view – until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.”

– Harper Lee

COVID Christmas – Final Reflections

Granted, there is no substitute for our normal holiday gatherings. And, this brings me to sacrifice. As we face this COVID Christmas, we need to realize that altering or modifying our plans is not really replacing them – we will celebrate with our beloved traditions in the near future. In the meantime, we should realize the sacrifices we make now are for the greater good – we are celebrating this holiday with the health of all foremost in our minds.

Why are we sacrificing? We consider sacrifice to be a means of communication between the worlds of the sacred and the profane. We follow directives to save family, friends, and strangers from misery, health problems, and death. We consider this a duty and a moral obligation. We are bound to this sacrifice by our human character.

The overwhelming majority of us are lucky to find ourselves with basic necessities in a society that is moral and to which we should feel a gratifying sense of belonging. The inconveniences we face amount to little considering the great sacrifices of frontline medical workers combating the coronvirus day in and day out. They put themselves at risk of not only contracting the illness themselves but also of being exposed to the mental and emotional horrors of the merciless disease. Say a prayer for them -- the true heroes -- this Christmas. 

I urge you to celebrate this COVID Christmas safely and consider your timely actions as a generous and meaningful gift to yourself, to your loved ones, and to the common good. I believe that you have been instrumental in stopping the spread of this virus. I hope you feel happy with your fulfillment of these sacred obligations. May your sacrifices during the holiday bring you closer to the real meaning of the season. As you leave behind fears and regrets, feel a special blessing this Christmas. Your new perceptions will serve you well.

“But you were always a good man of business, Jacob,” faltered Scrooge, who now began to apply this to himself.

“Business!' cried the Ghost, wringing its hands again. "Mankind was my business; charity, mercy, forbearance, and benevolence, were, all, my business. The deals of my trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of my business!”

– Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol