"I'm Certain That It Happens All the Time" -- Love At First Sight

“O, she doth teach the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear –
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear.
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand
And, touching hers, make blessèd my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight,
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.”

– From William Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act I

Romeo is the classic example of a person who falls in love at first sight and possibly the best known example of the phenomenon. Readers love the extremity of the romantic and sudden action. Is Romeo really in love or is this feeling something else entirely? Does a justification for his feelings exist? For centuries, scholars have argued about the affair and the dire consequences.

Call it “positive illusion” or “halo effect” or “assortative mating” or simply “sexual chemistry.” It really doesn't matter. To the majority, love at first sight is real. The instant infatuation has been portrayed in arts and literature for at least 3,000 years. Described by poets and critics since the emergence of ancient Greece, falling in love at first sight has become one of the most common tropes in Western fiction.

"As soon as I had seen her, I was lost. For Beauty's wound is sharper than any weapon's, and it runs through the eyes down to the soul. It is through the eye that love's wound passes, and I now became a prey to a host of emotions … “

-- the lover Clitophon in Achilles Tatius's ancient Greek romance 

Leucippe and Clitophon

A recent 60 Minutes/Vanity Fair poll in found that fifty-six percent of Americans believe in love at first sight, and every third person reports that he or she has experienced it.

What happens? You see someone and you are attracted, your pupils automatically dilate. One look and a chain of chemical reactions begins in your autonomic nervous system, the system which regulates your body’s unconscious actions and is deeply connected to the arousal centers of your brain. Twelve areas of your brain begin releasing chemicals and hormones that induce the feeling of falling in love. All of this happens in just a fifth of a second – suddenly you feel yourself being jettisoned to the proverbial “Cloud Nine.”

Studies have shown (Andrew Galperin and Martie Haselton, “Predictors of How Often and When People Fall in Love,” 2010) that men are more likely to report feelings of love at first sight than women do. Scientists have theorized that this may be due to the more visual aspects of attraction that men typically report noticing first. Men fall for boobs, booties, legs, or some other attribute they have been wired to associate with youth, health, and vitality. Scientists claim it takes men just 8.2 seconds to fall head over heels.

Research also shows (Jeffrey C. Cooper, Simon Dunne, Teresa Furey and John P. O'Doherty. “Dorsomedial Prefrontal Cortex Mediates Rapid Evaluations Predicting the Outcome of Romantic Interactions.” 2012) that within the first fifteen seconds, a woman will decide subconsciously whether she will give a man a chance to “try to make her fall in love or not.” In the same amount of time, a man will decide if he is “turned on” by how a woman looks or not. So, within seconds, one (or both) of the two prospects usually finds fertile ground for a potential love affair or takes a pass on the opportunity.

Passionate love (Some would argue “lust.) is rooted in the reward circuitry of the brain. That is the same area that is active when humans feel a rush from cocaine. In fact, the cravings, motivations and withdrawals involved in love have a great deal in common with addiction. What all of this means is that one special person can become chemically rewarding to the brain of another.

"... when [a lover] ... is fortunate enough to meet his other half, they are both so intoxicated with affection, with friendship, and with love, that they cannot bear to let each other out of sight for a single instant."

-- Plato's Symposium in Aristophanes' description of the separation of primitive double-creatures into modern men and women and their subsequent search for their missing half

Therefore, “love” at first sight is possible if the mechanisms for generating long-term attachment are triggered quickly. Romantic love runs along certain electrical and chemical pathways through the brain which can be triggered instantly." There are two distinct components of romantic evaluation: either consensus judgments about physical beauty (paracingulate cortex) or individualized preferences based on a partner's perceived personality (RMPFC). The continuation of the attraction depends on the corresponding brain activity.

"When we feel an attraction for someone, we seem to have this gravitational pull which is what neuroscience calls our adaptive oscillators, and that really pulls us together," neuropsychotherapist Dr. Trisha Stratford says. Stafford explains …

"When you look into another person's eyes, your adaptive oscillators — which are part of the prefrontal vortex, which is the orbital frontal complex — these lock between you and your partner and it forms this loop. The greater the feeling here, the stronger the feeling of love. From there, these adaptive oscillators just pull you together and guide the two mouths together and you kiss. So there are chemicals in everything."

The Provençal troubadour poets of southern France in the eleventh and twelfth centuries elaborated on the love darts of the eyes. This understanding became part of the European courtly love tradition. In particular, a glimpse of the woman's eyes was said to be the source of the love dart:

“This doctrine of the immediate visual perception of one's lady as a prerequisite to the birth of love originated among the "beaux esprits" de Provence. (...) According to this description, love originates upon the eyes of the lady when encountered by those of her future lover. The love thus generated is conveyed on bright beams of light from her eyes to his, through which it passes to take up its abode in his heart.”

So, is love at first sight not only possible but also unusually probable? A person with an open mind might say it can be commonly distinguished by strong initial physical attraction toward the new potential partner coupled with a certain level of openness to experiencing high levels of passion, intimacy, and commitment for that person in the future.

Dr. Earl Naumann, author of Love at First Sight (2001), interviewed and surveyed 1,500 individuals of all races, religions, and backgrounds all across America, and concluded that love at first sight is not a rare experience. What’s more, Dr. Naumann theorizes that if you believe in love at first sight, there’s a roughly 60 percent chance it will happen to you. Here’s what led him to that conclusion:

• A majority of the population believes in love at first sight.
• Of the believers, many have experienced it.
• Fifty-five percent of those who experienced it married the object of their affection.
• Three quarters of these married couples stayed married.

From Hero and Leander: "It lies not in our power to love or hate"

By Christopher Marlowe

It lies not in our power to love or hate,

For will in us is overruled by fate.

When two are stripped, long ere the course begin,

We wish that one should lose, the other win;

And one especially do we affect

Of two gold ingots, like in each respect:

The reason no man knows; let it suffice

What we behold is censured by our eyes.

Where both deliberate, the love is slight:

Who ever loved, that loved not at first sight?