Suffering the Times: The Wounded and Divided

The Wound

By Ruth Stone

 

The shock comes slowly

as an afterthought.

First you hear the words

and they are like all other words,

ordinary, breathing out of lips,

moving toward you in a straight line.

Later they shatter

and rearrange themselves. They spell

something else hidden in the muscles

of the face, something the throat wanted to say.

The shock blooms into a carbuncle.

The body bends to accommodate it.

A special scarf has to be worn to conceal it.

It is now the size of a head.

The next time you look,

it has grown two eyes and a mouth.

It is difficult to know which to use.

Now you are seeing everything twice.

After a while it becomes an old friend.

It reminds you every day of how it came to be.

 

Ruth Stone, “The Wound” from Simplicity. Copyright © 1995 by Ruth Stone. Reprinted with the permission of Paris Press, Inc.Source: Simplicity (1995)

I long for past days when friends could be friends without the complications of family, political, and scientific differences. The answer to "why is there such division?" is mucked and mired in mainly recent history with its various strong beliefs and stands on issues like race theory, abortion, guns, and education in general. I fight with much less vigor now -- in a knowable failure to convince anyone to change his stand on these fundamental beliefs because I believe little can be said or done to alter another's beliefs, no matter how bizarre. I've take my views out of the public political arena and even out of one-to-one discussions because, at this time, hatred and revenge trump love, disagreement, and compromise. I, for one, regret these senseless times.

I fear darker days for America are on the horizon. I never thought our progress would take such giant steps backward; however, every day I see the proof of digression before my own eyes. At my age, I know I can withstand the darkness, but I fear for our children and grandchildren who will be living in even more divided times. Relationships, friendships, even social contacts seem to hinge on just one political argument. How horrid. 

I and much of our immediate family no longer engage in support or even talk of issues. Where I live -- Scioto County, Ohio -- one learns quickly that nobly "fighting the power" is a waste of time. Progressive, liberal Democrats like me are few in number and rarely emerge from the safety of their home burrows. Speculations of hatred and harm are so extremely prevalent, and any leftest view is so outnumbered, we Democrats merely stay home and refuse engagement with the large majority of Republicans who reside here, especially avoiding Trump supporters.

You might say we are in survival mode --  this involves adaptive physiological changes in our body that help us respond to the stressors that we are faced with. When we experience stress, a sequence of hormonal changes and physiological responses occur in our bodies that allow us to respond by preparing them to fight, flight, or freeze (Harvard Health Publishing, 2018).

I, myself, am sick of fighting and thus prefer "to take flight or freeze." My only hope for survival in a preferred happy, older-aged state is to escape from overexposure to stress-response hormones that take a toll on my body, take a toll on my emotional health, impact my relationships, and eventually lead to a number of medical issues, and increase my risk for anxiety and depression. I realize I am in in complete avoidance of people, even friends on the other side of any issue at hand. (Harvard, 2018; Hormone Health Network, 2018).

Learning what we must do to go through the motions in life and "do what we need to do" to evoke change seems fruitless. I feel as if I am living the rest of my days in a "half-living" condition while going through all my activities in survival mode. Forever "watching my words" and "looking over my shoulder" have become ingrained in my persona.

"Consider an example of the value of the body’s stress response system. One day as you are taking a hike through the woods, you hear a rustling in the brush that appears to be coming towards you. Perhaps it is a bear? In response to this noise, your body commences a stress response, sending a cascade of adrenaline, cortisol, and other hormones to give you the energy needed to fight or flight the incoming danger.

"Although this story may seem to be one that is hard to relate to, consider the potential 'bears' or 'dangerous animals' in your life. When you face these animals in your life of looming deadlines, challenges at work, relational challenges, financial difficulties, or other stressors, you (have experienced) the surge of hormones that we are discussing that give you the energy you need to go through the motions. The stress response is adaptive and important to help us respond to stressors, yet going through the motions for too long is unsustainable and can leave us feeling disconnected, exhausted, and detached from life.

"When we are 'surviving' too long, we can feel the effects it has on us. In fact, research shows that chronic stress and chronic exposure to stress hormones can even be harmful. At times, our body may overreact to stressors that we experience. What if our body is responding to a situation as if it is a 'bear' when it is in fact a 'rabbit?'

 (Harvard, 2018; Hormone Health Network, 2018).

Bear or rabbit, my stress has exhausted my energy to the point of withdrawal. I refuse to talk, debate, or defend my own beliefs on issues -- in fact, you could say I am not the frightened rabbit, but I have changed any of my outspoken views because I have become the dreaded "male pussy." I wear my "libtard" condition with guarded distinction. Writings, speeches, and engaging in argumentation have passed. I guess I have rightly (really leftly) become just a big "pussy." I waste no more energy in these frustrating activities.

I could spew out lots of blame for being a nervous, standoffish feline, yet I have expressed by views to no avail so often that I presently simply "keep in my narrow lane." I no longer understand the majority of people and their views in my Appalachian neighborhood -- people I once considered good and devout. I am left with dealing with my own loneliness and withdrawal. 

My life and times have become a rather hopeless situation I relate to antisemitism during the days in Germany before and during World War II. I have become the "bait" for the "antisemitic bear," and, thus, I live my stressful life in silence surrounded by vengeful souls -- and, there is no hope for future concessions or for compromise. Dark hatred lies at the core of many of these so-called "patriots" being. They remain unmoved even after the January 6, 2021 attack on the Capitol.

I detest stress and the inevitable depression left by the daily ravishing of the spirit. I still possess hope and a shallow feeling that "good will (and does) always overcome evil,' but I tire of my useless rebuttal to the most insane, raving fanatics who seem set on ruling and crushing our nation. Never did I believe until now that so many in the extreme right would swallow the propaganda of liars and get behind a huge movement of revenge -- especially I disdain this time when those responsible for the most destruction have now become eulogized and thought of as heroes. 

"Who, what, and when" will a new and powerful resistance arise to defeat this division of hatred? At present, no such movement or leader has risen to lead us to a new America with good values and sensible platforms. I pray some political leader will arrive to not "Make America great again," but, instead, "To lead us into a new kindness grounded on goodness, progress, and basic values."

To close, I am both stressed and doubtful any present leader will redeem our nation and protect our God-given freedoms. If he exists, he must respect and value all rights of religion, sex, and other difference. Whom among us does so now? I fear that gallant person is nonexistent or hiding under so much stress and anxiety that he refuses to seek office. Fear and loathing rule the land.

Why is our country in such dire straits? I have my own theories, which I will keep to myseIf, yet I always look to education and role models for strength, courage, and wisdom. Are there any such saviors left who rely on the "best for the nation," not on  riches and fame for "party or personal gain"? If not, I hope that person is very soon born and has the facilities and tools to rise quickly to the rescue of the United States -- call it a Second Coming," not necessarily in a religious sense, but a second advent of a true defender of life, liberty, and justice -- a renown, respected leader with incredible love for all of us who struggle through the present strife. May he arise soon! This I pray from my burrow of minority thought and action.  

I hear you JFK. I wish I were a better disciple. I believe in "responsibility." What method I might use is still foreign to me. I, at least, have tried ... but probably miserably failed. I take full responsibility for my lack of fulfillment.

 "For in a democracy, every citizen, regardless of his interest in politics, "hold office"; every one of us is in a position of responsibility; and, in the final analysis, the kind of government we get depends upon how we fulfill those responsibilities. We, the people, are the boss, and we will get the kind of political leadership, be it good or bad, that we demand and deserve.

-- John F. Kennedy

 

Footnote: 

 

In the Iliad, Kleos (κλέος, "glory, fame") is the concept of glory earned in heroic battle. Yet, Achilles must choose only one of the two rewards, either nostos or kleos “the pain of the need to return to one’s home.” In Book IX (IX.410–16), he poignantly tells Agamemnon's envoys—Odysseus, Phoenix, Ajax—begging his reinstatement to battle about having to choose between two fates ... 

For my mother Thetis the goddess of silver feet tells me
I carry two sorts of destiny toward the day of my death. Either,
if I stay here and fight beside the city of the Trojans,
my return home is gone, but my glory shall be everlasting;
but if I return home to the beloved land of my fathers,
the excellence of my glory is gone, but there will be a long life
left for me, and my end in death will not come to me quickly