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Thursday, June 18, 2009

Interesting Male Information

According to comedian Dave Chappelle, men need four things: food, sleep, sex, and the right to watch the game in peace. Strangely, this list seems to echo the desires of a significant lot of the masculine gender. In an effort to keep peace between the sexes, I thought it might be interesting to find some other very obvious things that men like and think but that many women do not immediately acknowledge. 1. Men like sandwiches. Preferably with multiple meats. 2. Men hate talking on the phone, especially when face-to-face gestures, phrases, and grunts would communicate the idea more rapidly and painlessly. 3. Men who have problems with other men usually call each other a few names, trade punches in the eye, and then go drink beer. Done and done. 4. Men change after their courting days when they were putting up a big fake front so a woman would marry them, and it worked. When you catch a fish, do you still feed it worms after it's in the cooler? 5. When men spill something on the floor, they clean it up with a bath towel. 6. Men never pay one of their buddies a compliment. Instead, a man values a friendship if another man says something like, "Where did you get that haircut, the school for the blind?" 7. Men who enter bathrooms with more than two urinals and one is being used should proceed to the farthest available urinal, not stand there for more than 30 seconds, and use the three shakes maximum rule. 8. And, never in history has a man excused himself from a restaurant table by saying, "Hey, Tom, I was just about to take a leak. Do you want to join me?" 9. Men should never be asked to purchase a feminine product. 10. Men go clothes shopping to buy, never to look. 10. Men prefer that women tell them what to wear before they get dressed. 11. Men do not understand the difference between beige, off-white, and eggshell. 12. Men forget everything; women remember everything, so that's why men need instant replays in sports. 13. Men never ask other men, "Does my butt look fat in this?" 14. Men are never offended by young women who go bra-less. 15. Men never say, "Our team lost 10 to 1. But, we tried our best, and, after all, that's the important thing. 16. Vulnerable to a man is playing ball without a cup. 17. Men think being treated like a sex object isn't such a bad thing. 18. Men are expected to accidentally break things. 19. Men like to pee outside. 20. Men think that Oprah and The View could stand to take long vacations.
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