To Be Perfectly Honest...

Pursuit of Perfection

On the surface, the pursuit of perfection sounds ideal. However, the impossible acquisition of perfection can ignite many fires of discord. Tal Ben-Shahar, the New York Times bestselling author of The Pursuit of Perfect (McGraw Hill, 2009) explains as we choose to labor under the view of our own perfect expectations and society's tortuous view of perfection -- to look young, to make huge money, and to find permanent happiness -- we often find the very act of the pursuit of perfect may be the number-one internal obstacle to finding fulfillment.

Tal Ben-Shahar describes the freedom that may be derived from not trying to "do it all right all the time," and he details the real lessons that failure and painful emotions can teach us. As professor of the most popular course in Harvard’s history, he has seen the best and the brightest buckle under the pressures of perfectionism. 

Tal Ben-Shahar's argues that people are unhappy because they’re caught in “The Myth of Perfection,” a dangerous trend fueling society’s obsession with youth, beauty, money, success, and “having it all.” Ben-Shahar believes we need to be more realistic in our goals, and more accepting of ourselves, to live a richer, fuller, happier life. 

Popular Obstacles To Happiness

1. Rejecting Our Failure - not accepting anything short of total goal achievement,

2. Rejecting Our Painful Emotions - not accepting negative feelings that fall short of total happiness,

3. Rejecting Our Success - not allowing time to savor success but almost immediately going onto new, more challenging goals.

Pursuing perfection often creates a real and destructive fear of failure. Elbert Hubbard sums up the fear of failure when he says, "The greatest mistake a man can make is to be afraid of making one." In other words, Ben Shahar echoes Hubbard by saying that we don't have to be perfect to be perfectly happy.

Ben Shahar prefers the term optimalist to define a healthier alternative to perfectionist. Basically facing the same challenges of failure, success, and emotion as the perfectionist, the optimalist employs a more realistic view. The optimalists believe that humans are not perfect and that they can learn from failure. The optimalists accept that their paths to success are not straight but nonlinear and filled with setbacks, obstacles to overcome, and even mid-path changes in direction.

Is failure viewed as a positive learning experience in certain life situations? We might learn from one famous name from American history. Thomas Edison registered more than one-thousand U.S. patents and is acknowledged as one of the most prolific inventors. Yet Edison's first ten-thousand attempts to invent a viable light bulb failed.

 

Tips To Achieve Happiness

1. The best happiness should contribute to both our pleasure and to meaning and allow us present and future gain.

2. Our actions and attitudes should make us happy. Complete this: "To bring five percent more happiness into my life ...." It may reveal something small but very important.

3. Happiness is something we should see as a lifelong "journey," not as an end "destination" within our lives.

4. Constant happiness is something we shouldn't feel; instead, we should allow ourselves a full range of emotions (even fear, anxiety, and sadness).

5. To experience happiness, we shouldn't do too much, but take time to stop our "time poverty."

6. Physical and mental health come as we benefit from regular exercise, adequate sleep, and healthy eating habits.

7. Happiness is most dependent on our state of mind, so our level of well being is determined by what we choose to focus on and by our interpretation of external events.

8. Showing gratitude is something we should do.

  

Imagine

Imagine yourself as 110 years old. What advice would you give your younger self? This added perspective will allow you to recognize and eliminate the trivial and negative things from your life.

Conclusions - Finding a Calling

Weather we experience our work as a job (a chore done so we can pay our bills), as a career (work motivated by money, prestige, and advancement),or as a calling (work done as an end in and of itself), we try to find something to make us happy. 

To find a calling, first ask "What gives me meaning?" then ask "What gives me pleasure?" and finally ask yourself "what are my strengths?" Most job-seekers first ask what they're good at, which then generates a list from which they select the option which they perceive will bring them the most pleasure. The question of meaning somehow doesn't make it into the equation. This is why most people end up with a job or a career instead of a calling.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cSREpjLyvUA  At this point, we should take ten minutes to watch this uplifting video of Tal Ben Shahar's psychology introduction. 

"Attaining lasting happiness requires that we enjoy the journey on our way toward a destination we deem valuable. Happiness, therefore, is not about making it to the peak of the mountain, nor is it about climbing aimlessly around the mountain: happiness is the experience of climbing toward the peak"
- Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD.

Here is a link for the book. http://www.amazon.com/Pursuit-Perfect-Chasing-Perfection-Happier/dp/0071608826%3FSubscriptionId%3D19BAZMZQFZJ6G2QYGCG2%26tag%3DSquid702514-20%26linkCode%3Dxm2%26camp%3D2025%26creative%3D165953%26creativeASIN%3D0071608826

Artist Design

Consider the following rhythm pattern: da-da-da-da da-da-da-da. Now consider this pattern slightly altered: da-da-da-da da-da-da-dum. What element of the pattern is bound to draw attention? Is it the nice, smooth flow of the repeated rhythm that creates the effect of an artful design or is it the interruption of the rhythm that pulls the audience away from endless repetition, though perfect in measure, that is bound to bore or distract the listener? The pattern depends upon the "dum." This interruption, or roughness of surface, is required to make the flow something other than just mechanical perfection. This is true in all art forms: unique design is related to such roughness of surface. Slight imperfection, roughness, or interruption-- in music, writing, painting, dance--makes the work believable and pulls people toward understanding beauty in the human condition of fallibility. Havelock Ellis states this concept as such: "The absence of flaw in beauty is itself a flaw." Francis Bacon echoes this thought: "There is no excellent beauty that hath not some strangeness in the proportion." For me, this roughness of surface is so evident in artful music. A performer that produces mechanical perfection without the birthmark of its human creation has created a work void of style. And, style is but the refinement of peculiarity. The true musical artists do not use stylistic devices; instead, they inherently produce them. Granted, every great artist employs imitation while emulating influences that have helped define his style, but to "karaoke" copy such style or merely show precision in delivery with tone and range dues nothing to advance musical artistry. Artists expand boundaries within forms such as rock, folk, jazz, blues, Cajun and zydeco, reggae, R&B, ethnic, and international music. And, to the careful listener, they rely upon delivering breathtaking performances with the help of roughness of surface. These artistic performers are not just great musicians. As Chris Standring, jazz artist relates, "They (artists) are those who have a driving desire and need to say something original artistically, to express themselves and to communicate that expression to an audience, be it a small niche market or wider demographic." They have a true desire to express a unique inner-voice whether millions or dozens are willing to listen. Thus, the artists lend credibility to their creations. An artist's technical shortcomings can actually be the very essence of his artistry. For example who does not know the distinct sound of B.B. King's guitar stylings--certainly one not filled with mountains of awesome licks. Or, who, at least at first, has not winced at the vocal intonations of Bob Dylan--loaded with gravel and grit. These artists have both developed and refined their talents to give unique voice to long-standing, often tired, forms of music. Artists first find their given talents and then learn how best to use them. Let's face it, if a musician were able to play an instrument technically perfect, at all speeds, meticulously so every note that came out was totally clean and audible, would this be ultimately interesting to an audience? Chris Standring answers, "Yes it might be very clever and impressive, but for how long could you listen to an album where every phrase felt like you were having your teeth drilled!?" So enters the importance of imperfection and roughness of surface to prevent such sterling but painful repetition. The beauty of an artist's performance relies upon his audience's associations with theme and content but also upon the fact that the audience "gets" the message through the method of humanistic delivery. Most great artists generally have a little mystery about them that seems to propel them above the status of mere entertainers. This mystery is based upon their sincere and dedicated talent with a responsibility to say something profoundly unique. This extra character also helps them develop their career longevity as they age into new, inspiring works. In 2004, Rolling Stone compiled an article,The Immortals, with the aid of a panel of fifty-five top musicians, historians, industry executives and critics, selected by the editors of Rolling Stone. Voters were asked to pick, in order of preference, the twenty artists they deemed to be the most significant and influential of rock's first fifty years, those whose work continues to have an impact today. Here are the first ten picks as presented in the article on April 15, 2004. 1) The Beatles 2) Bob Dylan 3) Elvis Presley 4) The Rolling Stones 5) Chuck Berry 6) Jimi Hendrix 7) James Brown 8) Little Richard 9) Aretha Franklin 10) Ray Charles