Friday, June 18, 2010

The Men Vs. The Women

1. Men have soul; women have heart.

I think this must have been instilled in the original prototype humans, Adam and Eve. Remember Eve was made from Adam's rib, in close proximity to the heart. Men can't begin to feel matters of the heart like women but men do understand and best relate to matters of the soul, probably because they were God's original human creation. I mean, would a man enjoy listening to Michael Bolton sing Percy Sledge's signature song "When a Man Loves a Woman"? Hell no.Would a man weep at a wedding when he knows the serious, potentially life-choking consequences of getting married? I don't think so. Men appreciate intangible qualities and hidden spiritual embodiment whereas women prefer the "heart" as the seat of affection to judge the lovelier parts of physical nature.  

2. Men like beer; women like exotic drinks.  

Men do not associate sweetness with drinking. Women, on the other hand, prefer to cover the flavor of the intoxicant with sugary substances, even garnish their drinks with maraschino cherries, limes, and other fruits. Men understand the swarthy fellowship of warriors sharing swill-like mixtures in mass quantities that bloat their stomachs and embody the common spirit of the salt of the earth. Take the Miller High Life Man, for example. A high-class crowd would likely be unworthy of partaking lowly beer. Beer is sweat, blood, and tears while exotic drinks are bikinis, fruit juice, and sandy beaches. Men understand their obligation to suds. Women want a tan. End of story.

3. Men want a buddy to be a friend; women want a buddy to bolster their confidence.  

Men, in a totally nonsexual manner, enjoy having a close male friend who has shared the same trials and struggles in life. Men confide in, revel with, lie to, trade insults with, fart with, and even fight and argue with their buddies. A woman, however, enjoys having a close female friend who will somehow become a totally accepting part of her  nature, no matter the real truth of that nature. Women hang with their best friends to be seen, to be comforted, to be ornamented, to be sly, and to be snarley to other men or women, if need be. A man enjoys nothing more than having a friend who reminds him that he is a real pain in the ass while women enjoy nothing more than having a friend who tells her that her ass looks good in any outfit she wears. And let's don't get into gossip and infighting.

4. Men desire economy; women desire excess. 

To men, less is most often more. The less men have to struggle, to worry, and to be bothered by trivia, the better. Yet, women immerse themselves in trivia and are not satisfied without having more luxury than needed. Women compile and stock. Men necessitate and even purposely cut corners. What women would not place priceless jewelry, expensive clothes, and luxurious mansions on her ultimate wish list? But, what man would sacrifice  excessive material possessions for decent food, peace and quiet, and a decent ballgame? Not to mention duct tape.

5. Men are cruel; women are vengeful.

Men think, speak, and commit cruel acts that should never happen. Men can be violent and very aggressive, turning savage in an instant when feeling threatened in some manner. Thankfully, most men don't let their violence run its course before stopping their aggression. Women? I have heard it said that a world run by women would be a world without war. Surely the speaker has never experienced the nature of a woman during her special "time of the month." While women appear to be meek and mild in manner, they obviously plot devious means of inflicting pain. Some would say this is a defense mechanism of the weaker sex; others call it vindictive behavior. What is worse - the terrible man's reaction or the deceitful woman's inability to forgive? William Congreve said, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." The end result is the same - the man is destroyed and the woman is lifted up.

6. Men underachieve on purpose; women underachieve due to men.  

Men have the obligation to reach a point of success with all phases of their lives - friends, family, job, salary, security, etc. An unsuccessful, underachieving man is viewed as a person who is lazy and indifferent to important matters. As a man reaches his plateau, each man has to account for his rise and eventual level of accomplishment. He, alone, is often expected to be the ultimate provider and protector. Women, though, largely blame their underachievement on men. Although changing, women still earn less pay than men, and women still hold lower titles than men on the job site. For this reason, women believe that many men detract from decent cohabitation. Have you ever once heard of a bumette?

7. Many good men fear beautiful women; many beautiful women fear good men.

As circular as this statement sounds, it often holds true. When a good, decent man approaches a beautiful woman, he has prepared himself for rejection, so initially, he often sounds and acts like a blubbering fool. Besides, he usually knows that his male (and, today, female) competition is fierce and that he has lousy skills in "sweet talking" and impressing her without required time. In his ten second evaluation in the eyes of the beauty, he is lucky to remember to introduce himself. In addition, many good men fear the loss of someone so beautiful. Beautiful women tend to be confident and unimpressed by men who are unintentionally masking their goodness. They are swept away by "dashing and daring" or "cute" men.To a beautiful woman, honesty and sincerity are usually just seen as other pitiful attempts at pickup lines. Women like soap operas. Need I say more?

8. Men like love true; women like true love.

Once men find love, they value fidelity and truth more than other aspects of a relationship. In sports, in organizations, and in personal relations, men have been instructed to rely upon their close companions. To men, this reliance becomes a valuable truth of survival. Many men realize that a woman's love "true" has been denied to them because desirable women have gone through many false, no-good suitors. When that man does find his love, he expects her to be true. But, women have a fantasy instilled in them very early in life by a "fairy tale" culture. Women are taught that one true love awaits them in "shining armor." Women spend endless time searching for this soul mate, "true love" who often turns out to be a regular guy with regular faults she originally had picked in the 55th round of the Bachelor Draft.

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