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Thursday, March 27, 2014

Ripped and Hunky? Girls Find Security In Busy Brains, Not in Bulging Muscles



Gentlemen, why not build a strong mind to attract a beautiful, intelligent girl? Even though looks are a more powerful predictor of sex appeal than brains, women want the best of both worlds. These ladies may lack the insight to look beyond the attraction of hot bodies because they are filled with illusions that somehow "smarts" are inherent in a stately physique.

Women still go for the nit-witted "hunks" in their inconsiderate haste to find perfection, yet later in a relationship, many discover the brawny he-man to be the wrong choice. For the long term, a different type -- an intelligent, rational man -- can provide much better for them and their families. A geek who continually improves his brain as well as his general fitness may just have a chance to land a smart babe who knows the facts. He should practice patience.

In a study at Elon University in North Carolina, Mark Prokosch, an evolutionary psychologist, found that a smart man will appeal to women because he is likely to be clever enough to keep his family afloat. In addition, females understand an intelligent guy may also pass on "good" genes to his children.

(Ewen Callaway. "Nerds Rejoice: Braininess Boosts Likelihood of Sex." 
ABC News. October 6, 2008)

So, girls, let me offer some advice that just might save you time, money, and regret. If you're hitting the nightspots on the weekend to look for the "perfect man," you should consider something beyond the "tall, dark, and handsome" target. Looking through beer glasses and making boozy decisions based on who looks like the hottest dude may bring you short-term happiness, but your long-term contentment may depend upon finding an intelligent mate, one who shows signs of a strong brain that potentially makes him a better provider and a better father.

And, ladies, a macho man might possibly make a horrible mate for other reasons than lack of intelligence. Research confirms that macho guys have a penchant for short-term, uncommited liaisons. They are more prone to cheating, and are less likely to share resources equitably. And, if you do land the hunk, these men, who possess higher levels of testosterone, usually invest less time and resources in their partners and children. 

Charli Penn, co-writer of ManWifeandDog.com and Relationships Editor for ESSENCE.com, believes this insight about five types of men who make great husbands is accurate. Here is Penn's division of male types who make good mates:

1. The Provider

"He puts family first, always. He's a selfless man, who lives to please those he cares most about. He's the kind of man who can work two jobs in his sleep, always has a side-hustle in mind to earn more money, and guards his savings with his life. He can't rest until he knows the ones he loves are okay. He strives for perfection at home and in the office. Work-life balance is very important to him, but if missing time with his loved ones means a better life for them, he's always game to put in the overtime and take one for the team. Words like "no," "can't," and "impossible," are just not in his vocabulary, and when he hears others use them, it only increases his devotion to the task at hand."

2. The Rock

"At your weakest moments, his strength keeps you stable and inspires you to push through. He isn't immune to pain or frustration, but he does handle it well, and he knows how to pull himself out of low places. He's the kind of man who never misses your call when he knows you need to get something off your chest, or better, just a friend to be there for you. Speaking of chests, his is always there for you to lean on, squeeze, and find comfort in when it feels like only a hug will do."

3. The Critical Thinker

"There isn't a problem, big or small, that he isn't itching to solve. He's a quick, solid, thinker, who hates to be backed into a corner. He doesn't just see the problem in front of him; he sees a road map of the many solutions available to him and takes his time as he determines the best way to get there, or the course of action he must take. He is patient, because he has to be -- rushing things is rarely the answer and he knows this. He's diligent, focused, and considers himself a mental Olympian of sorts."

4. The Believer

"When the world around him comes crumbling down and the sun seems as if it will never rise again, this man still believes -- his faith is his foundation. It gets him through the good and the bad, and it never falters. He believes in the things unseen and those that many give up on when the world turns cold: hope, morals, kindness, and good will. He has a church home, or a religious mainstay in his life and the fellowship refuels his engines. He's God-fearing (whoever his God) and he's proud of his strong beliefs. His moral compass is always turned in a positive direction, and he refuses to accept failure. He helps others and chooses to live his life in a way he believes others should live theirs."

5. The Free Spirit

"Spending time with this man never gets old. He believes that life is about living and therefore is virtually immune to the physical afflictions caused by stress and worry. It's not that he doesn't feel those emotions; he just refuses to let them consume him. He stays positive and seeks to enjoy all aspects of his life, as much as humanly possible. He has most likely chosen a career he loves over one that pays all the bills. Therefore he's just as passionate about his work as he can be about feeding his cravings for new adventures. He enjoys traveling and most likely has a bucket list at least a quarter complete. He doesn't believe in wasting time worrying about what can't happen and prefers to shift his focus to what can. With him, there's never a dull moment at home, in the bedroom, or when you're out and about. His inner light shines through and warms the spirits of those around him. He keeps life exciting -- almost as if, each day he presses the refresh button."

So, just in case you weren't paying close attention, Penn would go gaga over an intelligent, moral, critical thinking provider who offers her a rock-solid foundation and a loving, entertaining free spirit. Through her many contacts with married women, she has found combination of these traits in those husbands women adore in the long run.

(Charli Penn. "The 5 Types Of Men Who Make GREAT Husbands."  
Huffington Post. March 22, 2012)


Overall, and particularly in these tough financial times, ladies should be more attracted to gentle, sensitive men who don't necessarily show Alpha, hunkish characteristics. Labeling less-aggressive guys as "wimps" seems unfair and reeks of stereotyping.  

Do you know the reason the nerdy fellows keep pushing themselves once in a relationship with a girl? Research reveals in couple relationships in which the wife is better looking than her husband, the bonds are more positive and supportive than those in other match-ups. The study, published in the February 2008 issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, reveals that looks continue to matter beyond that initial attraction, though in a different way.

In the journal, James McNulty of the University of Tennessee said:

"The husband who's less physically attractive than his wife is getting something more than maybe he can expect to get. He's getting something better than he's providing at that level. So he's going to work hard hard to maintain that relationship.

"Men who are more attractive than their partners would theoretically have access to partners who are more attractive than their current spouses. The 'grass could be greener' mentality could make these men less satisfied and less committed to maintain the marriage. 

"A negative husband would've said, 'This is your problem, you deal with it,'" McNulty said, "versus 'Hey, I'm here for you; what do you want me to do?; how can I help you?'" 

 (James McNulty. "Sex differences in the implications of partner physical attractiveness for the trajectory of marital satisfaction." Journal of Family Psychology. February 2008)

Regardless of the impact on finding a "perfect fit" or an intelligent mate, men should realize that building a strong, beautiful brain is essential for personal happiness. It's too bad the image of manliness is the "bad-ass" hunk. Almost all of the most prized attributes of a man are acquired through his scholarship and through his diligent, lifelong search for new knowledge.

Big muscles are great, but the greatest muscle for motivation and continued success is the human brain. Men who remain uncommitted to feeding their heads with wisdom and knowledge are likely self-centered fools with egos too large to be contained. They insist on being the center attraction in any relationship. Pity the feminists who believe Mungo will change with proper spousal training.

Yet, girls, your ideal may seem unlikely at first, but consider this: "sexy" is both rooted in physical reality and in fantastic creativity. A man with a thirsty, ingenious mind can learn. That ability applies to sex, to passion, and to the commitment to excellence. Instead of choosing a man who can't even spell variation and gratification, you may want to sacrifice some brawn for brain power and begin a relationship with someone dedicated to the improvement of all his skills. He will likely appreciate and learn any good things you teach him.

One look at Hollywood productions is enough to see the sham perpetrated on young adults. In films, it's constantly "power to the hot penis and victory to the willing vagina." Movies largely portray happiness in a relationship in terms of nailing the hunk or the babe. Instant bedding seals the bond and translates as a formula for eternal bliss. Intelligence? Save the obligatory acknowledgment for the humor of "Revenge of the Nerds, Part 45."

Youth buys into the images of the gangsta and the bitch with their uber money and muscle. Still, the truth is out there in reality and obscured by the smokescreen. Unfortunately, it usually does not become apparent until things come apart as "pretty boys" and "divas" with fantastic physiques, gorgeous faces, and empty heads collide.

Then, amidst shattered affairs and broken relationships, only one strong muscle can lift the wreck back on track and begin solid reparation. Despite common belief that the muscle lies in an engorged sex organ or in another visible, ripped member, it does not. The strong mind can use will power combined with intelligence to conquer hopeless situations. And, it does so out of an obligation to live and learn. 

My bottom line? Hey, nerdy guys, keep feeding your heads and take a little time to improve your bodies too. Whatever you do, find a sweet companion worthy of your mind and the rewards you reap from using it. The better your knowledge, the better your life.

You smart, hot babes, open your eyes to the station further down the track and concentrate a little less on the instantaneous reward in the next whistle stop. It's a long haul, sweetheart. In the long run, you are going to be seeking security, mutual respect, and money more than the image of the network's ultimate "Bachelor." 


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