I am writing about something I believe parents should know. I believe they should teach it to their daughters who may mistakenly interpret "honey words" and compliments as signs of caring affection. Then, these young ladies should take this reality seriously and consider all the consequences that relate to their lives.
In no way do I wish to pass judgment or blame onto females with what I am about to say. I respect women's rights, and I understand the tremendous struggles they have endured to extend their freedoms in a world where they still suffer injustice and abuse. I offer this blog simply as a personal view gleaned from my experience and my reading.
I think so many men interpret women as "big game" trophies and challenges to "capture" through any and all means of their sexual prowess. Men have preconceived images of "looks" and "fashions" and "displays" that they consider invitations to advance and to encounter their "prey."
This is not news, yet today, when so many attractive young girls seem to dote on sensual, striking appeal, men assume many girls advertise for physical contact, not for romantic relationships or for fashion. I understand this view is pessimistic, but I do not intend it to be restrictive on feminine freedom of expression.
Yes, ladies, men love the hot, nasty girl "look." They double take and crane their necks just to better view a pleasing display of T&A. They revert to animal instincts as they wolf-whistle, and make rude remarks to females who proudly display their beautiful bodies. They simply cannot resist the sight of a girl with the equipment capable of grinding their gears. A man with a pulse is going to look and look with intent -- be it guarded or openly lascivious.
Put a group of men together and their bravado increases. As men gather together to girl watch, they become even more sexually charged. And, unlike their demure female counterparts, they give little or no thought to actually sharing their erotic predilections or experiences with friends. They typically brag to their friends about the amazing sexual prowess they typically display with willing, young ladies.
All in all, the ids of these babe-admiring men dominate both brains of their physiques. As their little heads engorge, they do not necessarily consider proper restraints and necessary human conventions. They simple want "it" and view beauty, innocence, and femininity as secondary to attaining the ultimate prize. I have never heard a horny male comment about a potential score's sense of fashion, pleasing personality, or great intellectual skills.
You may disagree and say, "Oh, but there are plenty of gentlemen who never view females as sex objects." And, I would have to agree that some men do not prefer females as targets of sexual desires; however, nearly all men possess a strong drive for sexual encounters with some being or object. I understand some men physically love cars, robots, and other assorted animate and inanimate creations. I am not trying to gross you out here; I am just stating the facts. I believe the old adage that men think about sex a lot more than women do -- I don't know if I believe the much-cited claim of men thinking about it every seven seconds (8,000 times a day), but I think it must come to a male mind a lot.
Horny guys are everywhere, and they are so programmed to go gaga over breasts, asses, legs, and other unmentionable feminine parts that they act like sex-starved fools when confronted with the real thing. I understand this terrible immaturity and the ugly display of animal behaviors are not acceptable, but, I fear I have seen little in my lifetime to convince me that gentlemanly behavior is on the upswing.
So, accuse me for being direct, but let me explain a paradox I feel most men conceal in their lustful brains. I think we, and I include myself, cannot resist the sexual appeal of women, even the overt, over-the-top public display some ladies provide. And, furthermore, I believe we want the "trashy look" and the "hot tramp" but only on our own terms. Let me explain further.
In my experience, despite their denial, most men use women for sexual gratification. They may say they are not interested in displays of hot flesh and sensual motion, but what is filtering into their uncensored brains versus what is coming from their censored mouths is evidence of a double standard.
Men become adept at manipulating situations because they realize being the skilled aggressor bags more conquests. While a virile young man is often seen as a prized stud that sows his customary oats, women who notch their belts with each sexual encounter are typically viewed as loose whores providing an unseemly service. Argue for equality but watch the hypocritical stud take the "much-sought-after virginal countenance" for the steady and for the fiancee.
I understand this next opinion is sexist as hell. But, it's my blog, and so this is an ugly personal observance. An attractive young woman alone in public who is provocatively dressed and who successfully portrays an innocent, but sexually stimulating appearance attracts males like hungry bears to a honey pot.
I didn't say such an occurrence is fair or should even be socially acceptable. I do believe it is true, however. I have heard psychologists contend that men find the most contentment in sexual encounters that reinforce their skills of manipulation and domination of a lover. I understand many guys fantasize about "sweet young things" and "providing these girls the benefits of their sexual maturity."
Neuroscientists have much to teach us about the what’s and why’s of sexual preferences. Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam suggest, “Men’s greater sex drive may be partially due to the fact that their sexual motivation pathways have more connections to the subcortical reward system than in women” [or, in short] “men’s brains are designed to objectify females.”
So, that connection between the male’s brain and his genitals may be largely unwilled after all.
These scientists conclude that “men’s brains scrutinize the details of arousing visuals with the kind of concentration jewelers apply to the cut of a diamond” They become bedazzled by beauty and by particularly stunning detail.
(Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam. A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World's
Largest Experiment Reveals About Human Desire. 2011)
The cartoon metaphor used by Ogas and Gaddam to depict the male brain’s
desire software is Elmer Fudd -- the comically
ludicrous “wabbit hunter.” Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. explains..."To the authors, Fudd is 'solitary, quick to arouse, goal-targeted, driven to hunt . . . and a little foolish.' In other words, two-dimensional: the very emblem of a man whose 'trigger-happy' brain forever resides between his legs. But with Fudd it’s his rifle, not his phallus, that propels him ever forward.
"Eternally outmaneuvered by the ingenious Bugs Bunny, he yet resolutely reloads, time after time awaiting his next chance to shoot at his targeted prey. And the way the male sexual brain is constituted (as long, that is, as testosterone levels remain sufficiently high, or one’s personal, non-sexual ideals are suspended), the pursuit of sexual stimulation remains undiscouraged and unfaltering. One might almost say, indomitable."
(Leon F. Seltzer, Ph.D. "The Triggers of Sexual Desire: Men vs. Women."
Psychology Today May 11, 2012)
Ogas and Gaddam also report: “Males of most species are wired to become aroused by novelty.” This may explain why a man's interest and attention is far less likely to be sustained -- let alone piqued -- by what he's already experienced than by something as yet unfamiliar to him. I understand the male brain asks, "I wonder what she would be like in bed" because of both vanity and adventurous desires for acquisition.
In another study, Jeroen Vaes and his coauthors suggest that when men associate women with less-than-human characteristics, it is often because they find the women sexually attractive. Sexual attraction may motivate men to focus on women’s physical characteristics and place less emphasis on their personalities and mental characteristics. (In the background now. can you hear Tina Turner singing "What's Love Got To Do With It?"
(Jeroen Vaes et al. "Are sexualized women complete human beings?
Why men and women dehumanize sexually objectified women."
European Journal of Social Psychology. June 14, 2011)
Similar research shows that, in men, the brain areas associated with handling tools and the intention to perform actions light up when viewing images of women in bikinis. Yes, I said "handling tools." I hear you laughing, but you have to remember that guys relate most everything to simple actions.
Susan Fiske, professor of psychology at Princeton University, found that men who scored highest on hostile sexism (the part of the brain associated with analyzing another person's thoughts, feelings and intentions) was inactive while viewing scantily clad women. Men also remember these women's bodies better than those of fully-clothed women, Fiske said.
"I'm not advocating censorship, but I do think people need to know what settings should discourage the display and possession of these kinds of things (in this case, the object in question was a bikini and the person involved was a bikini-clad woman)," she said.
Dr. Charles Raison, psychiatrist and director of the Mind/Body Institute at Emory University in Atlanta, Georgia, said both women and men have something to learn from this line of research, Raison said. Women should be aware of how they are perceived when wearing provocative clothing, and men shouldn't let feelings of impersonal sexual longing interfere with their more personal relationships with other women, including female friends. "Many men make foolish choices because of sexual attraction," he said. So, manipulative, horny women can use men. I think we all know that.
(Elizabeth Landau. "Men See Bikini-clad Women As Objects,
Psychologists Say. CNN. April 2, 2009)
Well, I guess I've said enough to make myself look like the most hollow shell of a caring, understanding man in the universe. Let loose the dogs of war, and feel free to criticize my evaluation, but I believe most honest men must confess to lusting, particularly when confronted with the image or with the reality of an alluring, scantily-clad, sexy young female.
Whether it's a man's internal wiring, evolution, or just plain unchecked desire, men gawk, gaze, and even leer when they see provocative scenery. You can say "it's all in the eye of the beholder," but human nature and passion make for combustible mixtures.
To me, the moral of this entry is that women don't deserve this obscene scrutiny because they dress and act in any certain way. Still, to understand the danger of the traffic before crossing the street is essential to survival. Whether a serious encounter in transit is the result of an accident or an unspeakable, lust-driven homicide, avoidance and forethought may lessen the chance of a tragedy.
The appeals of beauty, sex, and sensuality contribute to the mystery of desire and love. I believe this is how it should be. All of the appeals are sacred in their own respect.Yet,these things have become so refined and so skillfully employed in a culture full of attractive people that distinguishing innocence from wildness is difficult. Add frustration, deception, and a habitual and mind-numbing mentality to the mix. Can trouble be far away?
Immaturity and sexuality make for much more than pleasure and innocent experimentation in a world where tenderness no longer resides on the block. To cheapen love, to father unsupported children, to promote an uncaring lifestyle, to advertise body parts with abandon, and, yes, even to do so in childlike ignorance, tears at the fibers of honesty and devotion. And, there will always be men willing to take any advantage that strolls down the street. That is my personal opinion.
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