A Thorn In a Delicate Place

One thing is certain, if a person acquires a sharp, painful thorn in the rear, trying to hide the obstruction by sitting on it in an ill-advised effort to cover it up will only put undue pressure on the affliction and drive it deeper into the sore posterior. I often use this metaphor when developing exposure to obvious wrongdoings. Sooner or later, left untreated, the problem festers and its ugly nature becomes apparent to everyone. Covering up a problem seldom provides a long term solution, especially when the problem is an open wound.

So, let's explore the options for the problem. What do you think is the best option for the thorn in the fanny? If you had the symbolic locust barb (threatening problem) in the badonkadonk, what course of action might you take as the so-called "stuckee"?

1. The stuckee ignores the thorn and bottoms completely out (excuse the pun) by suffering infection and an embarrassing demise.

2. The stuckee finds a private solution, lets a trusted unstucker remove the thorn, never tells another soul, but is left with a nasty scar and a sore tail that requires lies to explain the reason for sitting so gingerly for quite a period of time. 

3. The stuckee goes public with the issue of the thorn, describes the situation, takes fault, lets an unstucker remove the thorn, and moves on, still nursing a touchy bum and a wilted ego. But, this honesty won't work well if many self-imposed thorns have already been removed in the past and the biscuits have numerous craters of controversy.

4. The stuckee conducts a phony private investigation, finds a scapegoat to blame for inflicting the ugly butt boo-boo, fires the scapegoat, has the unstucker remove the thorn, and under conditions of the greatest posterior compassion continues a long, successful caboose recovery.

This little exercise is, of course, meaningless and trite unless you have suffered a deep locust penetration. Then you appreciate how painful and dangerous the wound may be. One summer working for the Youth Conservation Corp I had such a thorn in my hand that required emergency room treatment, and I was told by the attending physician that he had even seen loss of a limb in such a case that had gone untreated. In fact, the hand took quite a while to heal.

I've never had a bad thorn in my cakes, and I've never tried knowingly to cover one up. But, I am sure if I had grown accustomed to covering up such problems, there might have been a case in which I could have kissed my sorry ass goodbye.