“Supporting
Trump at this point does not indicate a difference of opinions.
It
indicates a difference of values … If you saddle yourself with
someone
who
fundamentally does not share your values, you’re going to be
unbelievably,
achingly lonely."
– Jennifer
Wright, BAZAAR.com's Political Editor at Large
Popularized as “The
Trump Effect,” the significant impact on family connections
resulting from the election of the 45th president is causing turmoil
in America. Trump's presence in the Oval Office and the impact this
presidency has had on personal relationships is unprecedented.
Friendships have ended, families are at odds, and marriages have come
to an end, all because of individual feelings toward the POTUS.
A study by Wakefield
Research (2017) titled “The Trump Effect on American Relationships”
was based on a survey issued to some 1,000 people across the United
States and touted some pretty staggering statistics:
- 10% of couples (and 22%) of millennials have ended relationships because of political disagreements.
- 22% of Americans know a couple relationship "has been negatively impacted specifically due to President Trump's election.” That’s double the rate of the general population. And almost 1 in 3 millennials say they know a couple whose marriage has been negatively affected by President Trump’s election.
- 24% of Americans in a relationship say "they and their partner have disagreed or argued about politics more than ever" since Trump was elected.
- 33% of Americans (43% of millennials) who did not vote for Trump said they would consider divorcing their spouse if they did so.
Another poll of 6,426
people by Reuters/Ipsos
in 2017 found that 16% of those
who responded stopped talking to a friend or family member as a
direct result of the election. 17% also said they blocked friends or
family on social media for the same reasons.
And
even people on the same side of the issues as their friends and
partners have run into challenges with their relationships. The
present political climate is revealing new and significant fault
lines.
And so it is – Trump has
extended his reach into America's homes and particularly into its
bedrooms. "I call it the new Trump divorce," says
Jim McLaren, a family and divorce lawyer in Columbia, South Carolina,
who is past president of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers.
McLaren says …
"I've had a few cases
where one spouse says: 'I was married to a reasonable human being,
and one day I woke up and she or he is now a Trumper. I significantly
disagree with everything Trump stands for, and I can't stay married
to that person.'"
The most highly publicized
example of a Trump Divorce is the case of Gayle McCormick. The
73-year-old retired California prison guard divorced her husband of
22 years because he voted for Trump. She called it a “deal breaker”
and said she felt “betrayed.”
"It totally undid
me that he could vote for Trump. I felt like I had been fooling
myself. It opened up areas between us I had not faced before. I
realized how far I had gone in my life to accept things I would have
never accepted when I was younger."
– Gayle
McCormick
Here is another response
from a wife who has found her husband to be incompatible …
“I’ve been with my
husband for eight years. We have no kids. For the past three, he has
become increasingly alt-right and quite the Trump supporter. I’m
very moderate in politics, but slightly left of center. I like to
follow the truth where it falls. But he will not allow for any kind
of discourse or debate. He’s right, and I’m wrong. According to
him, I’ve been brainwashed. It’s gotten to the point where I have
left the house and am considering divorce. It has filtered into our
relationship in too many ways. I’m not sure what to do.”
These are not isolated
cases. There are examples of divisional differences everywhere. These
divisions cut across every strata of society. Upon the election of
Donald Trump and her husband’s support for the president, Jennifer
Merrill finally had enough. She moved out and filed for divorce.
Merrill, a book editor for a trade association and the mother of
three children says …
“I just couldn't see
sharing a bed with somebody that agreed with what Trump was doing
when I was so against everything that Trump represented. He had no
sensitivity for how I felt, that I felt so strongly about it,
especially when I was going out and doing protests ... and he would
just laugh about it and continue to defend (Trump). So that just made
me very, very angry.”
Michelangelo Signorile,
who hosts a call-in radio show on SiriusXM, speaks of discovering a
surprising – and strong – community of Democrats married to Trump
supporters reaching out to each other through his satellite radio
show on SiriusXM’s Progress channel. (All callers to the radio
program use only their first names and locations so they could feel
free to discuss sensitive marital matters.)
Signorile ways the women
he's heard from often not only have partners who demean them for
their political beliefs and choices; they also face hostility from
other family members, including their own children. Some have ended
their relationships or are headed in that direction. Others try to
make it work, either because the couples have a strong bond despite
the tensions or, sadly, because they believe they have little
financial choice but to stay.
“If it were just me,
I’d have thrown in the towel long ago. But, I have a daughter and a
mother to care for, and I believe I don't have the skills to get a
job … You suck it up and grit your teeth and every once in a while
absolutely blow a gasket and accuse him of being racist. It’s
fairly miserable.”
“Sarah” argued that
her husband, a military service member with two wartime deployments,
should come with her to protests if he doesn’t want to feel
“lonely.” She says …
“That’s not how my
husband wants to spend his time. He’d say, 'Yeah, I love a strong
woman. Everything she’s doing is badass, I’m super-proud of her.
But I want her to do less of it.' For me, the fact that he’s so
uninterested in what I’m doing has fundamentally changed the way I
see our partnership.”
Friendships,
relationships, cohabitation, even marriage – the strains on these
unions exploited by Trump's MAGA America are real and causing bitter
arguments, splits, and divorces in their wake.
Just politics? I, like
Jennifer Wright, believe the causes for division are much deeper. The
heart of the matter is conflicted values. And, how much of this
turmoil over values is a result of people discovering they “never
really knew” the real beliefs and prejudices of those they love.
Trump highly values
status, which rates recognition, power, and hedonism above all. That
must be very difficult for strong, independent women to stomach – a
highly insensitive, dominate male who prefers to surround himself
with “yes men.” No wonder so many women are saying “no” to
husbands who hold such a man in esteem. George Orwell once said: “In
a time of deceit, telling the truth is a revolutionary act.” Viva,
la Revolución!
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