“O, she doth teach
the torches to burn bright!
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear –
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear.
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand
And, touching hers, make blessèd my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight,
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.”
It seems she hangs upon the cheek of night
Like a rich jewel in an Ethiop's ear –
Beauty too rich for use, for earth too dear.
So shows a snowy dove trooping with crows
As yonder lady o'er her fellows shows.
The measure done, I'll watch her place of stand
And, touching hers, make blessèd my rude hand.
Did my heart love till now? Forswear it, sight,
For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.”
– From William
Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, Act I
Romeo is the classic
example of a person who falls in love at first sight and possibly the
best known example of the phenomenon. Readers love the extremity of
the romantic and sudden action. Is Romeo really in love or is this
feeling something else entirely? Does a justification for his
feelings exist? For centuries, scholars have argued about the affair
and the dire consequences.
Call it “positive
illusion” or “halo effect” or “assortative mating” or
simply “sexual chemistry.” It really doesn't matter. To the
majority, love at first sight is real. The instant infatuation has
been portrayed in arts and literature for at least 3,000 years.
Described by poets and critics since the emergence of ancient Greece,
falling in love at first sight has become one of the most common
tropes in Western fiction.
"As
soon as I had seen her, I was lost. For Beauty's wound is sharper
than any weapon's, and it runs through the eyes down to the soul. It
is through the eye that love's wound passes, and I now became a prey
to a host of emotions … “
-- the
lover Clitophon in Achilles Tatius's ancient Greek romance
Leucippe
and Clitophon
A recent 60
Minutes/Vanity Fair poll in found that fifty-six percent
of Americans believe in love at first sight, and every third person
reports that he or she has experienced it.
What happens? You see
someone and you are attracted, your pupils automatically dilate. One
look and a chain of chemical reactions begins in your autonomic
nervous system, the system which regulates your body’s unconscious
actions and is deeply connected to the arousal centers of your brain.
Twelve areas of your brain begin releasing chemicals and hormones
that induce the feeling of falling in love. All of this happens in
just a fifth of a second – suddenly you feel yourself being
jettisoned to the proverbial “Cloud Nine.”
Studies have shown (Andrew
Galperin and Martie Haselton, “Predictors of How Often and When
People Fall in Love,” 2010) that men are more likely to report
feelings of love at first sight than women do. Scientists have
theorized that this may be due to the more visual aspects of
attraction that men typically report noticing first. Men fall for
boobs, booties, legs, or some other attribute they have been wired to
associate with youth, health, and vitality. Scientists claim it takes
men just 8.2 seconds to fall head over heels.
Research also shows
(Jeffrey C. Cooper, Simon Dunne, Teresa Furey and John P. O'Doherty.
“Dorsomedial Prefrontal Cortex Mediates Rapid Evaluations
Predicting the Outcome of Romantic Interactions.” 2012) that within
the first fifteen seconds, a woman will decide subconsciously whether
she will give a man a chance to “try to make her fall in love or
not.” In the same amount of time, a man will decide if he is
“turned on” by how a woman looks or not. So, within seconds, one
(or both) of the two prospects usually finds fertile ground for a
potential love affair or takes a pass on the opportunity.
Passionate love (Some
would argue “lust.) is rooted in the reward circuitry of the brain.
That is the same area that is active when humans feel a rush from
cocaine. In fact, the cravings, motivations and withdrawals involved
in love have a great deal in common with addiction. What all of this
means is that one special person can become chemically rewarding to
the brain of another.
"...
when [a lover] ... is fortunate enough to meet his other half, they
are both so intoxicated with affection, with friendship, and with
love, that they cannot bear to let each other out of sight for a
single instant."
-- Plato's
Symposium in Aristophanes' description of the separation of
primitive double-creatures into modern men and women and their
subsequent search for their
missing half
Therefore, “love” at
first sight is possible if the mechanisms for generating long-term
attachment are triggered quickly. Romantic love runs along certain
electrical and chemical pathways through the brain which can be
triggered instantly." There are two distinct components of
romantic evaluation: either consensus judgments about physical beauty
(paracingulate cortex) or individualized preferences based on a
partner's perceived personality (RMPFC). The continuation of the
attraction depends on the corresponding brain activity.
"When we feel an
attraction for someone, we seem to have this gravitational pull which
is what neuroscience calls our adaptive oscillators, and that really
pulls us together," neuropsychotherapist Dr. Trisha Stratford
says. Stafford explains …
"When you look
into another person's eyes, your adaptive oscillators — which are
part of the prefrontal vortex, which is the orbital frontal complex —
these lock between you and your partner and it forms this loop. The
greater the feeling here, the stronger the feeling of love. From
there, these adaptive oscillators just pull you together and guide
the two mouths together and you kiss. So there are chemicals in
everything."
The Provençal troubadour
poets of southern France in the eleventh and twelfth centuries
elaborated on the love darts of the eyes. This understanding became
part of the European courtly love tradition. In particular, a glimpse
of the woman's eyes was said to be the source of the love dart:
“This doctrine of the
immediate visual perception of one's lady as a prerequisite to the
birth of love originated among the "beaux esprits"
de Provence. (...) According to this description, love originates
upon the eyes of the lady when encountered by those of her future
lover. The love thus generated is conveyed on bright beams of light
from her eyes to his, through which it passes to take up its abode in
his heart.”
So, is love at first sight
not only possible but also unusually probable? A person with an open
mind might say it can be commonly distinguished by strong initial
physical attraction toward the new potential partner coupled with a
certain level of openness to experiencing high levels of passion,
intimacy, and commitment for that person in the future.
Dr. Earl Naumann, author
of Love at First Sight (2001),
interviewed and surveyed 1,500 individuals of all races, religions,
and backgrounds all across America, and concluded that love at first
sight is not a rare experience. What’s more, Dr. Naumann theorizes
that if you believe in love at first sight, there’s a roughly 60
percent chance it will happen to you. Here’s what led him to that
conclusion:
- A majority of the population believes in love at first sight.
- Of the believers, many have experienced it.
- Fifty-five percent of those who experienced it married the object of their affection.
- Three quarters of these married couples stayed married.
From Hero and Leander:
"It lies not in our power to love or hate"
By Christopher Marlowe
It lies not in our
power to love or hate,
For will in us is
overruled by fate.
When two are stripped,
long ere the course begin,
We wish that one should
lose, the other win;
And one especially do
we affect
Of two gold ingots,
like in each respect:
The reason no man
knows; let it suffice
What we behold is
censured by our eyes.
Where both deliberate,
the love is slight:
Who ever loved, that
loved not at first sight?
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